


Year of the Vampire (or "How Leonard McCoy Became Friends with a Weirdo")

by sladeninstitute



Series: McKirk Vampire AU [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Chatting & Messaging, Dialogue Heavy, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 34,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sladeninstitute/pseuds/sladeninstitute
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonard McCoy is a modern day doctor that spends most of his free time on the internet, Jim Kirk is a modern day vampire. They're neighbours that come to know each other through a very weird first meeting, but there's the chance for something else to flourish between these two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. November 2012

**Author's Note:**

> I've never tried to write a story like this, so please bear with me! It's my first multi-chaptered and dialogue heavy fic, so I'm interested to see how it turns out.

**10 November 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) wants to chat with you-_

_-You have accepted Jim Kirk (countkirkula) as a contact-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

Leonard McCoy: You're lucky I didn't call the cops, you know.

Jim Kirk: What do you mean?

LM: Don't try to pull that with me. You know exactly what I mean, Jim.

JK: I still don't know what you're talking about.

LM: So the thing where I woke up to you biting my neck didn't happen, yeah?

JK: Must've been a dream, I had nothing to do with it.

LM: Bullshit. I've got the bite marks to prove it.

LM: Drop the pretense.

JK: I couldn't help it, you just smelled so goooooooood!

JK: Not to mention that you look good.

JK: I kept seeing you from my window and I noticed that you were pretty good looking.

JK: You're hot, has anyone ever told you that?

JK: You tasted like shit though.

JK: Seriously.

JK: What the hell is wrong with you?

JK: I've never tasted anyone as fucking disgusting as you.

JK: We've got to fix that.

LM: You are absolutely out of your  _fucking_ mind. Do I need to point out everything that's problematic about the shit you just said?

JK: You're ignoring the question.

LM: Damn right I am! I don't know anything about you besides the fact that you live across the street and two nights ago I found you trying to drink my damn blood!

JK: Jim Kirk, pleased to meet you.

LM: I already know your damn name. What I don't know is how you got into my house, why you got into my house, why you were drinking my blood, or what in the sam hell is wrong with you.

JK: Easy.

JK: How I got in? You left your dining room window unlocked.

JK: Why I got in? I wanted to drink your blood. It's cliche, but it's true.

JK: Why I was drinking your blood? It smelled good. I could smell you from across the street, ever since you moved in.

JK: What's wrong with me? I'm a vampire, was that not obvious?

JK: Do I need to wear a cape or something to make it more clear?

JK: Actually, I'd like to keep it under wraps. So if you could keep that to yourself, it'd be great.

LM: Oh, a vampire? That makes everything clear.

LM: What's clear is that you need to be sectioned away in the psych ward.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**15 November 2012** _  
_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones! Where ya been?

LM: Work. 48 hour shift.

JK: Who works for 48 hours straight?

JK: Doesn't that violate labour laws?

JK: Or some human rights laws?

JK: Something?

LM: Doctors work for 48 hours straight. Or at least, this doctor works for 48 hours straight.

JK: You're a doctor? That's neat!

LM: Listen, kid. Whaddaya want from me?

JK: I'm not a kid. I'm older than you are, I bet.

JK: And I just wanna be friends.

LM: I highly doubt you're older than me. You hardly look a day over 25.

JK: Try 267 years old on for size.

LM: Bullshit. Scrawny young thing like you can't be that old. There ain't a human on Earth that's ever lived that long.

JK: I suppose it's good that I'm not human, then.

LM: Oh for the love of god. You still gonna try and pull the vampire thing on me? Seems to me like you're a mentally unwell kid that likes breaking and entering just to bite the necks of others.

- _Jim Kirk sends file "selfie.png"-_

_-Leonard McCoy accepts file "selfie.png"-_

JK: Take a look at that, why don't you?

LM: That's a picture of an empty mirror. And a camera.

JK: Vampires don't have reflections. That's me trying to take a picture of myself.

JK: I'm naked in that photo. ;)

LM: Jesus christ, you're a fucking trip.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**20 November 2012** _  
_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: You avoiding me, Bones?

LM: That's the second time you've called me Bones. Where the hell'd you pull that name from?

JK: Long story short, I accidentally wound up biting down on your bone when I was trying to, y'know, suck your blood.

JK: That's why you woke up.

JK: So, I call you Bones. You're the first person I've ever messed up on biting.

JK: Couldn't help it. I was kinda going out of my head. Y'know, you smelled so good that it was starting to affect me.

JK: It's your fault that I messed up.

LM: You're a goddamn trip.

JK: But you're starting to believe me, aren't you?

LM: ...

JK: You never did tell me why your blood tasted nasty.

JK: I'm not trying to be rude, but you're the nastiest person I've ever tasted. Which is strange, because you smell like fucking ambrosia.

LM: Anemia. I'm anemic. Does that answer your question?

JK: It answers one question, but it brings a lot more with it.

JK: You're a doctor, right? Can't you fix it?

JK: Is it dangerous?

JK: Is there anything I can do to help?

LM: Yes, kind of, not really, I don't want your help.

JK: You don't want my help?

JK: Why not?

LM: I don't trust you, that's why. You keep telling me that you're a vampire and that my blood tastes like shit, and let's not forget to mention the fact that  _you broke into my house._

JK: Bones, I'm only trying to be your friend.

JK: With the way your blood tastes, I'm not gonna be breaking into your house again any time soon.

JK: But if you want to invite me over to watch a movie or something, I won't be averse to it.

LM: You are a fucking trip.

LM: You're also pushy as hell. You wanna be my friend, I get it.

JK: I do. I'd love to be your friend.

LM: And why's that? Why have you set your psychotically intense sights on me?

JK: You're interesting.

JK: You haven't tried to call the cops on me.

JK: You're mean but you're not mean like other people are mean.

JK: You've got bark but no bite.

JK: You're interesting.

LM: Yeah, alright. If you wanna be friends, I suppose that you've got one.

JK: Do you believe that I'm a vampire yet?

LM: Not a chance in hell.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) has gone offline-_

* * *

**22 November 2012**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: Hey, Jim.

JK: What's this?

JK: You're online before me _AND_ you're the one starting the conversation?

LM: Yeah, so?

JK: You just haven't tried to start a conversation with me in, like, ever.

LM: Oh. Yeah, I guess you're right.

JK: You alright over there? You're nowhere near as cranky as usual.

LM: I'm fine.

JK: Yeaaaaaaaaaah. Somehow I don't believe that.

LM: You're one pushy son of a bitch.

JK: Hey, there's the Bones I know!

JK: Seriously though, what's wrong?

LM: It's Thanksgiving. Do "vampires" celebrate that?

JK: Not really, but go on.

JK: What's wrong with Thanksgiving?

LM: Nothing. It's just that I couldn't make it out to see my folks this year. They're back home in Georgia having a family get-together and I'm here. I've got nobody out here, and the hospital wouldn't let me come in today. They said I've already worked a bit too much this week.

JK: :(

LM: Did you really just send me a frowny face?

LM: You asked me what was wrong, I told you, and you sent me a frowny face.

JK: I'm not good with expressing myself sometimes. Sue me.

LM: .....

JK: Listen, do you want me to come over? I could keep you company. We could watch TV or get smashed or whatever. Whatever you wanna do, man.

LM: ...

LM: ..

LM: Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks.

JK: Hey, what're friends for? Be there in a minute.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**28 November 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Jim! Sorry I've not been on in a few days. Work's been hectic.

JK: No problem. 

JK: Thanks for having me over on Thanksgiving.

LM: I should be the one thanking you, really. You saved my day from being depressing.

JK: And I got to show you that I really am a vampire.

JK: It's hard to prove that kind of thing over Skype.

LM: Yeah. Don't think I would've ever believed you if you hadn't proved it in person. That whole "turning into a small swarm of bats" trick was pretty neat.

JK: Thanks.

JK: I'm, uh, sorry that some of the bats pooped on your carpet.

JK: Bats don't have very good bladder control.

LM: Don't remind me about that. I woke up the next morning and stumbled downstairs to find bat poop all over the floor. Do you know how fucking disgusting it is to step in that when you're half asleep?

JK: I've got a pretty good idea, yeah.

LM: How about you keep that particular party trick away from my house. You can be a vampire all you want, but no pooping on my floor.

JK: :D

JK: I think I can handle that.

LM: Good. I'm not dealing with any more bat poop. Especially not from my friend.

JK: You called me your friend!

JK: I'm touched.

JK: Truly.

LM: That's what you wanted, right? For us to be friends?

JK: Well, yeah.

LM: Surprise! We're friends. My only friend in the whole state of California had to be a fucking vampire. How am I supposed to explain that to anyone?

JK: You could just tell them that your only friend is one hot piece of ass that may or may not suck blood in his free time.

LM: If you were here, you'd be able to see me rolling my eyes.

JK: You don't have to tell me that you're rolling your eyes. I can feel it.

JK: I might even be able to say that I could feel it in my bones.

LM: Shut up.

LM: Listen, I gotta go. Talk to you later?

JK: Sure. I'll be here. Not many places to go in broad daylight.

LM: Alright. Later.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_


	2. December 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fanart linked at the end by Tumblr user [nicolashalden](http://nicolashalden.tumblr.com/)!

**01 December 2012**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

Jim Kirk: Hey Bones.

JK: Happy first day of December!

JK: Do you think it'll snow soon?

Leonard McCoy: We live in California. It doesn't snow here unless you're up in the mountains.

JK: It snowed here last year, didn't it?

LM: I wasn't here last year, so I can't tell you.

JK: Well I think it snowed last year.

LM: I really doubt that it snowed in Oakland, Jim.

JK: I really think that it snowed in Oakland, Bones.

JK: Anyway. 

JK: How're you?

JK: Any news?

LM: Not really. Work's been the same. Assholes get in fights, car wrecks, industrial accidents and then they all show up in my ER in need of help. People live, people get hurt, and people die. It's the same cycle that's been going on for thousands of years.

JK: You're one macabre motherfucker.

JK: Anyone ever told you that?

LM: I'm sure I heard it from my ex-wife once or twice.

JK: Ex-wife?

JK: You were married?

LM: Don't sound so surprised.

JK: I'm not, I'm not.

JK: Actually, yeah I am.

JK: I wouldn't have pegged you for the marriage type.

LM: Oh yeah? Why's that? Enlighten me, Jim.

JK: I dunno. You just don't seem the type.

LM: What a concise and well thought out answer. Gold star for you!

JK: Gold star?

JK: Why are you giving me a star?

LM: You know. The little gold star stickers that they'd give out in elementary school to denote a job well done? 

JK: They sure as hell didn't give out gold stars when I was in school.

JK: To be fair, that was 260+ years ago.

JK: America wasn't even a country yet.

LM: You've certainly aged well for someone that old. Never woulda guessed that you were 267.

JK: What can I say? Perks of being a vampire, I guess.

JK: I'd also like to think that I've managed to follow the times pretty well.

JK: I mean look at me.

JK: A technology-savvy 267 year old. 

JK: There are elderly humans that can barely use the telephone and I've got an online dating profile.

LM: An online dating profile?  _You've_ got an online dating profile?

JK: Yeah, why not?

JK: Don't wanna be alone forever, man.

LM: You're a damn trip.

JK: You say that every time we talk.

LM: Only because I mean it. You're a fucking piece of work.

LM: Shit, gotta go. Someone's at the front door.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**03 December 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Jim!

JK: Bones.

LM: After our conversation the other day, I did a little bit of digging. Found something pretty interesting, too.

JK: Oh yeah?

JK: And what interesting thing did you find?

- _Leonard McCoy sends file "Screenshot from 2012-12-02 at 19:27:36.png"-_

_-Jim Kirk accepts file "Screenshot from 2012-12-02 at 19:27:36.png"_

JK: That's my online dating profile!

JK: How the hell'd you find that?

JK: Why the hell were you even looking for it?

LM: A vampire tells me that he has an online dating profile and you expect me  _not_ to go looking for it?

JK: It was an offhanded comment, I didn't expect you to take that much interest in it.

LM: "Age: 26" how about you multiply that by 10.

LM: "Interests: Raising bats, trying odd foods, night time walks and drives, flying, people watching, blah blah blah" You're not very subtle at all, Jim.

LM: "Kinks: Biting, haemotolangia, roleplaying, blah blah blah" How about you just tell them that you're a vampire?

LM: Just how many people have expressed interest in you from your profile?

JK: Huh, would you believe that?

JK: Smoke alarm's going off.

JK: Better go fix that!

JK: Bye!

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**06 December 2012**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Hey, Bones!

JK: Bones?

JK: You there?

JK: Did you die on me?

JK: It's been two hours and it still says you're online.

JK: You even getting my messages over there?

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**07 December 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Sorry about yesterday. I fell asleep with my laptop on, apparently. Woke up with drool all over the keyboard and a dead battery.

JK: No problem.

JK: Anyway

JK: I found something interesting last night.

JK: Figured you'd get a kick out of it.

LM: That so, kid?

- _Jim Kirk sends file "[hot damn son.jpg](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0e0nbE9lX1qbox0lo1_500.jpg)"-_

_-Leonard McCoy accepts file "hot damn son.jpg"-_

LK: Where the hell did you find that picture?

JK: There aren't very many people named Dr. Leonard McCoy in the world.

JK: Google search works wonders.

JK: The real question here though is "why the hell were you wearing that?"

JK: I'm not saying that you look bad

JK: But what possessed you to put that on and prance around?

JK: And why the hell'd you let someone take a picture of you?

LM: I don't remember. I got drunk at a college party. Obviously, the results were disastrous.

JK: It's okay.

JK: You've got nice legs. You should show them off more often. ;)

LM: I'm gonna murder you.

JK: Good luck, Bonesy!

LM: I mean it, Jim.

JK: Do you really?

JK: Because I don't think you do.

LM: If you share that photo with anyone, I will strangle you. I might not be a vampire, but I can give you a bruising you'll never forget.

JK: Oh noooooo

JK: :( :( :(

JK: I don't want to end up on Doctor McCoy's bad side!

LM: You're getting real close to me coming across the street and beating down your door.

JK: Bones, chill.

JK: I'm not gonna share the photo with a soul.

JK: Not like I've got anyone to share it with anyway.

LM: Whaddaya know? Vampire boy's just as friendless as I am.

JK: Are you really surprised?

JK: It's hard to make friends when you're a vampire.

JK: Believe it or not, but people really don't take kindly to that.

JK: You're the first person in, well, ever that hasn't tried to plunge a stake through my heart.

LM: Bullshit. You've made it this far, haven't you? How do you go to the grocery store or out in general if there's an angry mob out trying to kill you?

JK: Let me rephrase.

JK: You're the first person that knows about my vampirism that hasn't tried to plunge a stake through my heart.

JK: I can still interact with other people.

JK: Doesn't make it easy, though.

LM: Unless you pull some weird shit, I promise that I won't try to stake you.

JK: I appreciate that.

JK: I'm not sure how I'd feel about being murdered by my friend.

JK: It'd be a bit too "Battle Royale" for me.

LM: You'd be dead. It wouldn't fucking matter, Jim.

JK: Wouldn't it?

LM: No. It wouldn't.

LM: But I'm not going to kill you. I've already made that clear.

LM: Listen. I hate to cut off our scintillating conversation but I need to head out and get groceries before work tomorrow. I'll see you later.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**10 December 2012**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: How come you spend so much time online?

LM: Hello to you too.

JK: Hey.

JK: Seriously, you're always online.

JK: As soon as you get inside after work you log on.

JK: Do you not have anything better to do?

LM: Not really, no.

LM: How come you're online so often?

LM: What do you do all day?

JK: Sleep.

JK: You don't get home until night time, so I sleep during the day.

JK: It's how I avoid the sun.

LM: So you sleep all day and then talk to me all night long?

JK: Basically.

LM: What did you do before we were friends?

JK: Talked to other people on the internet.

LM: What happened to them?

JK: I still talk to them sometimes. Mostly when you're online.

JK: How come you don't ever come over?

LM: You never invite me over, that's why.

JK: You could always oh

JK: I don't know

JK: Ask to come over?

LM: I don't do that. I don't like imposing.

JK: Well here's me, asking you to come over.

JK: I'm also asking you to ask to come over some time.

LM: You want me to come over? Right now?

JK: Yeah. Why not?

JK: I've got food.

JK: I've got alcohol.

JK: If you get too drunk, you can spend the night on my couch.

JK: Pleaaaaaaaase?

JK: Please come ooooooooverrrrrrrr!

LM: You're persistent.

JK: Bones, you know I'm persistent.

JK: I know that I'm persistent.

JK: You don't have to tell me.

JK: Now get your ass over here.

LM: Alright, alright. I'll be there soon.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**13 December 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Do you celebrate Christmas, Bones?

LM: Yeah, why?

JK: No reason.

JK: Just wondering.

JK: Gotta go.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**20 December 2012**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Booooooooooooooooooooones!

JK: Did you get my Christmas present?

LM: Are you talking about the bottle of iron supplements I found crammed into my mailbox this morning?

JK: You know it, man!

LM: Yeah, about that...

LM: Can I ask why the hell you decided that iron supplements worked as a Christmas present?

JK: You're anemic.

JK: Iron supplements can help with anemia.

JK: Maybe if they help with your anemia, your blood'll taste better.

LM: Lemme get this straight. My vampire friend gave me a bottle of iron supplements for Christmas because he thought they'd make my anemic blood taste better. Just pray tell, who's gonna be drinking my blood?

JK: Well.....

JK: I was thinking that maybe.....

JK: as a sign of appreciation...

JK: You'd let _me_ drink your blood.

LM: No.

JK: Please?

LM: No.

JK: Pretty please?

LM: Hell no.

JK: Please?

JK: Please?

JK: Pretty pretty pretty pretty please?

LM: If I say maybe, will it get you to stop?

JK: Yeah.

LM: Maybe.

JK: Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

LM: Listen, do you wanna come with me to Georgia? For Christmas?

JK: What?

LM: Do you. Want to. Come with. Me to. Georgia. For Christmas?

JK: I mean, yeah. I guess. 

JK: How're you gonna get me there and back?

JK: And how are you gonna keep your family from finding out that I suck blood and can turn into a swarm of bats at will?

LM: You can wear layers and hoodies and gloves so that you're not exposed to the sun. And if my family asks any weird questions, I'll tell 'em that you're a haemophiliac with some rare skin condition that means you can't go outside without 10,000 layers of clothes on.

JK: That doesn't exactly sound foolproof.

JK: In fact, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

LM: You got a better idea? 

JK: Not really.

LM: That's what I thought. So are you coming with me or not?

JK: I already said yeah, didn't I?

LM: Good. I already told my family that you'd be there. I may have already bought you a plane ticket as well.

JK: I'll pay you back for the ticket.

LM: I know you will. I expect you to. I don't just give away free plane tickets to people.

JK: Gee, thanks.

JK: When are we leaving?

LM: Plane departs from the San Francisco airport on Christmas Eve at 08:45 in the morning. I'd ask if you were okay with that but you kinda have to be.

JK: If I explode into dust because you put me on a morning flight, I'm blaming you.

LM: I'll risk it.

JK: :b

LK: Mind if I just come over for a while? I can go ahead and give you your plane ticket and we can finish talking about the trip.

JK: Door's unlocked.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**23 December 2012**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Ready for the trip tomorrow?

JK: You kidding?

JK: This is the first time I've gone on a trip with someone in years!

JK: Of course I'm excited.

JK: A bit weirded out by meeting the people that gave birth to you, but excited nonetheless.

LM: Excitement is good. I'll be by at 06:30 to pick you up. Our plane doesn't leave until 08:45, but I figured that we need to get to the airport early for check-in and all that. That all good with you?

JK: Sounds fine to me.

JK: And you're sure that your whole "let's not expose that Jim Kirk's a vampire to everyone" plan is gonna work?

LM: Damn near certain.

JK: I'm putting my trust in you, so you better not let me down.

LM: I'm not gonna. Besides, you need to get out of that crypt of yours anyway.

JK: It's not a crypt, it's a "Collegiate Gothic-style single family home."

LM: It's a crypt. It's large, depressing, and almost screams "I'm a vampire and this is my home."

JK: I'm not going to argue with you over whether or not my house is a crypt.

JK: I like it and that's all that matters.

JK: If you're done insulting my things, I've still got packing to do.

LM: Go right on ahead and finish packing. Be sure to give your crypt a final goodbye before the morning comes.

JK: >:(

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**27 December 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Hola, como estas?

LM: Hey there, Jim.

JK: I'm not gonna get all emotional on you but.........

JK: I wanted to thank you for the Christmas present.

JK: All five Twilight movies in one box. I think it's the worst gift I've ever gotten, but I have to thank you for it anyway.

JK: At least they'll teach me what  _not_ to be.

LM: That was the point, Jim. Never act like Edward Cullen.

JK: Oh, uh, yeah. One more thing.

JK: I wanted to say thanks for taking me with you to Georgia.

JK: I think you were right. I need to get out of the house more.

LM: It was no problem. My family seemed to love you. Who knew you could act like a gentleman?

JK: Heyyyy!

JK: 267 years of being alive has taught me a little something about how to act around people you want to impress.

LM: You did a damn good problem of impressing my folks.

JK: I know. Your mother thought I was the best thing since canned bread.

JK: Your dad didn't have much to say, but he didn't have a whole lot to say regardless.

LM: That's dad for you. He likes to watch a room instead of engaging in conversation. Still, he liked you.

LM: I think you might be the first friend of mine that they ever approved of.

JK: That so?

JK: You must've had some shitty friends before me, then.

LM: Yeah. Anyway, I told you that I wasn't gonna get you killed. The whole plan went off without a hitch.

JK: I can't believe they actually bought that lie you told them about my being a haemophiliac with a skin condition.

LM: I don't know how they fell for it, but I'm glad they did.

LM: Ma said that you're welcome back anytime, so if you wanna accompany me on any other trips, you're welcome to.

JK: I'll keep that in mind.

JK: Chances are that I'll go with you.

JK: I like your family.

JK: They remind me of mine, they really do.

LM: I'm glad. Everyone needs a family.

JK: I suppose so.

LM: Listen, I only got on to check my emails and I've still gotta unpack. Mind if I finish all that up and then just come over in a little bit?

JK: That's no problem.

JK: Knock three times on the door when you get here.

LM: Will do.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**30 December 2012**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Jim. You there?

JK: If I'm online, I'm here.

LM: Do you wanna hang out for New Years?

JK: What does that entail?

LM: I could make food, and we could go watch the fireworks, and then come home and watch the ball drop on TV. Nothing too special.

JK: That sounds nice.

JK: You know, when I asked to be friends, I didn't really think you'd take it this far.

JK: I just thought you'd message me every couple of days to make some vampire crack at me.

JK: You actually want to hang out with me and get to know me.

JK: It's nice.

LM: To quote someone I know, "you're interesting."

LM: You're the most interesting person I know out here.

JK: :))

LM: You and those goddamned emoticons.

JK: They're cute!

JK: They're also easier than typing out some thing about how nice your words make me feel.

JK: What time do I need to show up tomorrow?

LM: Sunset? I wouldn't want you going out too early.

JK: I'll see you at sunset, then.

LM: Good. And if you wanna spend the night on the couch, you can. 

JK: I'll remember that.

JK: I haven't actually seen the inside of your house yet!

JK: Well, besides your dining room and your bedroom.

JK: This is a monumental occasion.

LM: OK. See you tomorrow.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

 **Update (17 Nov 13):** Nicolashalden on Tumblr has drawn a piece of fanart regarding chapter 2. It's Jim in the outfit he wore to Georgia with Bones! [[Click this link to see!](http://nicolashalden.tumblr.com/post/67237660926/tumblr-user-uss-antares-is-writing-this-rad-au-fic)]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to update at least twice a week, but I can't make any promises! This is a whole lot simpler to write than a normal fic, however, so I should be able to update regularly at least!
> 
> Comments/critiques are always welcome! If you want to keep up with future chapters, feel free to bookmark this fic or subscribe to me! 
> 
> Final note, the chapter count has been bumped up from 12 chapters to 13 (a fact that's been edited in the end notes for chapter one) so there'll be a bit more of this fic than originally planned!


	3. January 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I got somewhat angsty in this chapter, my apologies. I don't know how to write a fic that's completely happy all the way through. Especially in a 13 chapter monstrosity like this one, ha!

**03 January 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Booooooooooonseyyyyyyy!

LM: Are you ever gonna call me Leonard? That is my name, after all.

JK: Nope.

LM: And why's that?

JK: Because everyone else calls you Leonard.

JK: I'm the only person that gets to call you Bones.

JK: I like to think that makes me special.

LM: Heh.

JK: :S

LM: What in god's name does that mean?

JK: I'm confused.

JK: Why'd you "heh" me

LM: Because you are special. But I don't think we mean it in the same way.

JK: Well how do you mean it?

LM: That's private. 

JK: Whatever.

JK: Anyway

JK: Are we gonna talk about New Years?

LM: What about it?

JK: Don't play coy.

JK: You know what I mean.

JK: What happened.

JK: With us.

JK: What you let me do.

LM: Oh. You mean the whole blood-drinking thing?

JK: Yes, I mean the "whole blood-drinking thing"!

JK: What else would I mean?

LM: Dunno, what else would you mean?

JK: Don't get off topic here.

JK: I just wanna talk about it.

JK: Namely how those iron supplements aren't really working.

JK: You taste a little bit better

JK: but not by much.

LM: Granted, I have only been taking them for a few weeks. Maybe they take awhile to take effect?

JK: I really don't think that's it.

LM: Remind me who the medical doctor here is?

JK: Remind me who the 267 year old vampire here is?

JK: I think that I might know a little something about blood.

JK: I mean, I could be wrong

JK: But I really don't think I am.

JK: Anyway, why'd you let me do it?

LM: You wanted to.

JK: Yeah, but you could've said no.

LM: And watch you go out of your damn mind every time you're near me? I'm hoping that New Years might sate you for awhile.

JK: I can't help it, Bones.

JK: You smell fucking amazing.

LM: I know. We've been over this once already.

JK: Are you gonna let me do it again one day?

LM: If you want.

JK: I do.

JK: I do want.

LM: Okay, now there's where I've gotta ask why. I apparently taste like shit but you still wanna bite my neck like there's no tomorrow. What the hell?

JK: Don't ask me.

JK: The only answer I've got is "vampire instincts."

LM: I should've expected that. The centuries old vampire doesn't know shit about why he does what he does.

JK: You probably should've.

JK: Seriously though.

JK: We have  _got_ to do something about your blood.

JK: If I'm gonna be drinking your blood, I'd rather not be drinking the equivalent of sewer water.

LM: And what do you suggest?

JK: I dunno. I'll figure something out.

LM: You do that. In the mean time, I've really got other things around here that I need to be doing. I'll message you later.

JK: Byeeeeee!

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**07 January 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Hey, Bones.

JK: I have a proposition for you.

JK: Wanna hear it?

LM: Those words scare me, I hope you know that.

JK: C'mon!

JK: I promise it's nothing bad!

LM: Everytime you suggest something and tell me that it's nothing bad, it's usually bad.

JK: Is not!

LM: Just get this over with. What's this "proposition" of yours?

JK: We should exchange cell phone numbers.

LM: What? That's it? Exchanging mobile numbers?

JK: Yeah!

JK: That way I can keep in contact with you when we're not online.

JK: Like if you go out of town or something, you can still text me.

JK: After all, we've gotten pretty close.

JK: Haven't we?

LM: (510) 555-3287

JK: What, no snide comment or anything?

JK: Just your phone number?

LM: Do I get yours in return or not?

JK: Oh, yeah! Right!

JK: (510) 555-8267

LM: Oh look. My phone's practically buzzing its way off the table right now.

JK: Well aren't you gonna text me back?

LM: I'm not gonna hold two conversations with you at once. You can text me or we can IM. Pick one.

JK: Text meeeeeeeeeeee!

JK: I wanna try out my phone!

JK: I've never had anyone to text before!

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**10 January 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: hey

LM: Hey.

JK: how u?

LM: Busy.

JK: what w/?

LM: Work.

JK: whatcha workin on?

LM: Patient logs.

JK: cool.

JK: im bored

LM: I'm working. Can this wait?

JK: when do u get off?

LM: 45 hours.

JK: but that's so far away

LM: I'm the one that has to work that long. Not you.

JK: can I come visit u?

LM: No.

JK: why not?

LM: I'M AT WORK!

JK: no need 2 yell, buddy

LM: Jim, I will talk to you when I get off. I'm about to go into the OR.

JK: ill miss u

JK: you're my best friend

JK: did u kno that?

JK: bones?

JK: boooooonessssss

* * *

**13 January 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: There was a package on my doorstep when I got home from work just now.

LM: Funny thing is, I haven't ordered anything in weeks.

LM: Even funnier is that it was a box full of anemia cookbooks and guides.

JK: Huh.

JK: I wonder who could've sent you those.

LM: Yeah, gosh. Wonder who. Who in the whole world is obsessed with my anemia?

JK: Hey!

JK: You're being very rude.

JK: I just bought you a bunch of books in hopes of helping you

JK: and you call me obsessed!

JK: I'm wounded, Bones.

LM: There's something wrong with you, you know that?

LM: Did I mention that one of the cookbooks was called  _How to Taste Delicious_?

JK: I had to order that one special.

JK: Amazon doesn't sell it.

JK: Had to get it through eFang.com

LM: Good god, is that some type of eBay for vampires?

JK: Bingo!

LM: I'm coming over. Right now.

JK: Why?

LM: Well I'm not cooking at my house.

JK: So you're just gonna commandeer my kitchen?

LM: Is that a problem?

JK: No

JK: no

JK: not at all.

JK: Bring the cookbooks.

LM: I planned on it.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**16 January 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: _(510)__ 555-3287-

LM: I hate my coworkers.

JK: why?

LM: They're sanctimonious assholes. That's why.

LM: All they care about is the money they get.

LM: They don't care about helping people.

JK: what brought this on?

LM: I'm at a surgeon's banquet that the hospital's putting on.

LM: I have to sit with my coworkers and they're jackasses.

LM: I'm gonna knock this guy's lights out if he doesn't shut up.

JK: don't do smth youll regret

JK: do u need me 2 come get u?

LM: No. I'll be fine.

JK: u sure?

LM: No.

JK: do u want me 2 come get u or not?

LM: Come get me when it's over?

JK: couldn't u just drive yourself home if ur staying?

LM: No. It's not good to drive drunk.

JK: you dont seem drunk to me.

LM: I'm not, yet.

JK: oh, i get it

JK: youre gonna get drunk

JK: 2 deal w/ your dumb coworkers

LM: Yep.

JK: whens it over?

LM: 22:45

JK: ill be outside in the prkng lot

LM: Thank you.

JK: no prblm see u then

* * *

**20 January 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

_-Today is Leonard McCoy's birthday!-_

JK: Bones!

JK: Why didn't you tell me your birthday was coming up?

JK: I would've gotten you a present if I'd known!

LM: Because it's not cause for celebration.

JK: What the hell do you mean it's not cause for celebration!

JK: You made it through a whole year again!

JK: That's definitely worth celebrating!

JK: You deserve a party!

JK: And presents!

JK: And definitely cake.

LM: I'm just another year older, that's all.

JK: And how old are you today?

LM: 32.

JK: Heh

JK: Heheheheheh

JK: You've still got nothing on me.

LM: I'll never have anything on you. By the time I'm dead you'll be damn near 300. There's no competing with that.

JK: It's your birthday, Bones.

JK: We're not supposed to be talking about your death.

JK: Could you maybe, I dunno

JK: Not be a morbid son of a bitch for one day?

JK: Especially on your _birthday_ , of all days.

LM: Dunno.

JK: What the hell's gotten into you?

JK: You're morbid and grumpy all the time but today's different

JK: You're flat out uncooperative today.

LM: It's nothing. I'm fine.

JK: Bones, c'mon.

JK: I'm your friend.

JK: You can talk to me.

LM: Jim, I'm telling you that there's absolutely nothing wrong.

JK: And I'm telling you that you're a horrible liar.

JK: You can't lie in person and you sure as hell can't lie over an instant message.

LM: A patient died today.

LM: My patient. A little girl. She'd still be here if it weren't for me.

JK: Oh shit

JK: Bones....

JK: I'm sorry.

LM: Yeah. I'm sorry too. Sorry that I couldn't fucking help her.

LM: I gotta go.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**21 January 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: Bones, u there?

LM: no

JK: answer the door

LM: no

JK: i'm coming in

LM: no

* * *

**22 January 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Jim.

JK: Yeah?

LM: I don't remember a lot about yesterday.

JK: That's not surprising.

JK: You were drunk off your ass when I got there.

LM: Wanna help me fill in the blanks?

JK: Are you sure you want me to?

JK: It's kind of out of character for you.

JK: Last thing I want is for you to get mad at me about yesterday.

LM: Just tell me.

JK: I went out and got you a birthday present and a cake

JK: and when I got to your place, you wouldn't come to the door or let me

JK: so I might've broken in...

LM: ...and?

JK: Well, like I said, you were drunk.

JK: Roaringly drunk.

JK: You were laying on the floor with a bottle in your hands

JK: it was obvious that you'd been crying

JK: So I got you cleaned up, made you eat some of the cake

JK: and that was it, really.

LM: So the part where you hugged me while I was crying, that didn't happen?

JK: Oh yeah

JK: That did happen

JK: You started crying about your patient and I didn't know what to do

JK: So I just hugged you

JK: and then you fell asleep on me

JK: and then I carried you up to bed so you could sleep it off

JK: and I left

LM: Jesus christ. I'm sorry about that.

JK: Hey, don't apologize.

JK: We all have bad days. 

JK: Although most of us don't cope with those bad days by getting drunk before noon.

LM: I'm gonna go back to bed, if you don't mind.

JK: Hangover?

LM: You got it.

JK: Need me to bring you anything?

LM: No. I just wanna sleep.

JK: Alright, man.

JK: Bye.

LM: Bye.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**25 January 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_ _  
_

LM: Just got off work wanna get chinese?

JK: only if u get as many egg rolls as u can carry

LM: Deal

LM: Eat @ your place or mine?

JK: urs

LM: Meet me there - on my way now.

JK: k bye

* * *

**30 January 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Thanks for spending the weekend at my place. Sorry I had to rush you out the door Mon. morning, but I needed to get to work.

JK: No worries. I needed to get back to my own bed anyway. That couch was starting to hurt my back.

LM: Vampires get back problems?

JK: This vampire does.

LM: Of course you do. Anyway, did you have fun?

JK: Did I have fun?

JK:  _Did I have fun?_

JK:  _ **DID I HAVE** **FUN?**_

JK: I had a lot of fun, yeah!

JK: I didn't know you had so many movies.

JK: I wouldn't have pegged you for a movie kind of guy.

JK: And I never would've guessed that you owned a copy of  _Battle Royale._

LM: I went out and bought it after you mentioned it a few months back.

JK: Did you like it?

LM: Loved it. It was gruesome in all the right ways.

JK: I figured you'd say that.

LM: Do you mind if I ask a personal question? Or a few?

JK: I...guess not?

LM: I want to know about you. We've been friends for awhile and all I know is that you're old and you suck blood.

JK: What're you asking?

JK: That's an incredibly vague statement.

JK: "you want to know about me."

JK: What do you want to know?

LM: Anything that you're willing to tell me.

JK: OK

JK: uh

JK: I was born in Tarrytown, NY. In 1745.

JK: Obviously I wasn't a vampire when I was born.

JK: I didn't become a vampire until right before the Revolutionary War.

JK: Four years before. 1771.

JK: I had gone travelling around Europe and

JK: Honestly, I don't know how it happened.

JK: I guess it happened when I was asleep

JK: or maybe I just don't remember

JK: I just woke up one day and realized that more than anything I wanted to drink blood

JK: and that I had fangs, and I wouldn't show up in mirrors

JK: and that I was cold. Constantly cold. Like I was dead.

JK: It was hard to get myself under control. It took awhile, and I did things that I'm not proud of.

JK: But I came back and fought in the Revolutionary War, and then after that I just travelled

JK: I did my best to avoid your Civil War because that was something I wanted nothing to do with

JK: Came out west as part of the "manifest destiny" bullshit and all that

JK: I was actually in San Francisco when they had the great earthquake of 1906.

JK: I spent some time in Alaska.

JK: Got drafted into World War II. Fought for the Allies. Saw the concentration camps first hand.

JK: That was awful, Bones.

JK: I never want to see anything like that again.

JK: I came back to America when it was all said and done and pulled away from being social

JK: Met Steve Jobs once. He was a real asshole.

JK: And through a very boring chain of events, I ended up here

JK: with a medical doctor for my best and only friend.

JK: Happy?

LM: I think that's the most watered down life story I've ever heard. But I'll take it. So long as you tell me more eventually.

JK: I'll tell you more eventually. In detail, too.

JK: But not today.

JK: Today, I think I'm gonna go back to bed for a little while.

JK: Talk to you later?

LM: Yeah, sure.

LM: Listen, are you okay? I feel like I've hit some kind of nerve.

JK: I'm fine.

JK: I promise.

JK: I just don't know how to talk about the past 267 years.

JK: Nobody's ever been interested before, actually.

JK: I'm gonna sleep now.

LM: Talk to you later.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to point out that the intentional chatspeak and lack of punctuation/apostrophes in Jim's text messages are intentional. Vampires don't like to text with proper grammar.


	4. February 2013

**01 February 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

Jim Kirk: do u think all dogs go 2 heaven?

Leonard McCoy: What?

JK: dogs. do they go 2 heaven when they die?

LM: I didn't take you as the type to believe in heaven.

JK: i do. when it comes to animals, at least.

JK: ppl dont go to heaven

LM: I don't know what to make of that comment.

JK: if immortal vampires exist, it's no stretch that heaven doesn't exist for humans

LM: But it does for dogs, that's what you're saying?

JK: yeah

JK: so do all dogs go 2 heaven?

LM: I guess?

JK: i need better than than. need a concrete answer.

LM: Are you alright?

JK: im just thinking about my dog

LM: You don't have a dog.

JK: not any more. i used to.

LM: How long ago was it when you had this dog?

JK: 1847-1853

LM: And you're just now asking if it went to dog heaven?

JK: yeah

LM: If he was your dog, I've got no doubt that he went to heaven.

JK: u think?

LM: I know.

JK: thx. makes me feel better, man.

LM: No problem. I'm a doctor. I make people feel better for a living.

JK: u do a damn good job

JK: gonna go buy a dog

JK: ttyl

LM: Have fun?

* * *

**02 February 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: Did you actually buy a dog?

JK: Yep!

JK: It's a cute little thing!

JK: It's a shiba.

JK: Have you ever seen a real live shiba before?

LM: Only on the internet.

JK: Then that doesn't count as real and live, does it?

LM: Suppose not.

JK: I was originally gonna get a golden retriever

JK: But the shibas were just too cute.

JK: They may have also been on sale.

JK: She won't come out from under the bed though.

LM: It's probably just adjusting.

JK: You think so?

LM: I guess. I don't know a damn thing about dogs.

JK: You've never had a dog?

JK: Not ever?

JK: Not even once?

JK: Have you ever even babysat a dog before?

LM: No, no, no, and no. I had a horse once though.

JK: A horse?

JK:  _You_ had a horse?

LM: Yep. Damn good horse. Had a great personality, perfect for going riding.

JK: I pegged you as a cat man, honestly.

LM: God no. Cats are too damn finicky.

JK: So you had a horse instead?

LM: Yeah, but this was when I was in high school. That was damn near 20 years ago.

JK: What happened to the horse?

LM: My parents got rid of it after I went off to med school.

JK: Where'd you go to med school?

LM: We're supposed to be talking about your dog, Jim. Does it have a name?

JK: But I wanna talk about youuuuuuuuuuu!

LM: I wanna learn about your dog, so hush.

JK: You can't tell me to hush if you wanna learn about my dog.

LM: You're a goddamn insufferable thing sometimes, you know that?

JK: So I've been told.

JK: It probably has to do with the fact that I rarely get human contact.

JK: My insufferability just festers when I'm alone

JK: So you get to deal with it all

LM: The dog, Jim, the dog. Does it have a name?

JK: Nyota.

JK: It's "star" in Swahili.

JK: I know my little shiba's gonna be a star.

JK: Once she comes out from under the bed, of course.

LM: Good luck getting her out from under there.

JK: Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

LM: For once, no.

JK: Oh.

JK: Wow.

JK: I'm impressed, Bones!

LM: I'm not that damn sarcastic.

JK: That's a good joke.

LM: ...

JK: Anyway

JK: I'd invite you over to meet Nyota but uh

JK: She's already terrified and I think you'd just scare her more

LM: How the hell am I gonna scare your dog?

JK: You're kidding, right?

JK: You've got your loud and booming voice

JK: Heavy footsteps

JK: You probably smell funny to a dog

JK: et cetera

JK: You'll terrify poor Nyota!

LM: Funny, I didn't peg you as being so rude.

JK: You must be rubbing off on me.

LM: You're a horrible friend.

JK: But you're still here, so I can't be that bad

LM: I hope you and your dog are very happy together.

JK: I'm sure we will be.

JK: I just hope that she lives longer than Spot.

LM: Spot?

JK: Spot!

JK: The dog I had way back when.

LM: You named your dog Spot?

LM: You give this new dog a creative name like Nyota, but your first dog was named Spot?

JK: Is there something wrong with the name Spot?

LM: It's the goddamn definition of boring. It's something that every 5 year old names their dog.

JK: It's a neat name!

JK: And it's rude to hate on the dead, or did nobody tell you that?

LM: You're a trip.

JK: You say that every single time that we talk.

JK: or close to every time

JK: I think you're starting to ease off on "you're a trip"

LM: Maybe I'm just getting used to you.

JK: Nyota came out from under the bed!

JK: I'm gonna go play with her!

JK: Bye!

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**05 February 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_ _  
_

JK: u off work yet?

LM: Shift ends in 20 minutes.

JK: come see nyota when u leave

LM: Are you sure I won't "terrify" her?

JK: come on, bones. that was two days ago.

JK: nyotas a big girl who isnt afraid of anything

JK: not even the vacuum cleaner

LM: How fearless.

JK: u coming 2 see us or not?

LM: Yeah, yeah. I'll swing by after work.

JK: swing by? u live right across the street. literally.

JK: it's not swinging

LM: You know what I meant.

JK: yeah. just like being annoying sometimes

LM: You're damn good at it.

JK: see u when u get here

* * *

**06 February 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Hey.

JK: Got a few minutes?

LM: I usually do if I'm online.

JK: Great!

JK: Tell me about yourself.

LM: That's a bit out of nowhere, don't you think?

JK: C'mon.

JK: We've been friends since November and all I know is that you're a divorced surgeon.

LM: That's about all there is to me, really.

JK: No it's not.

JK: You don't live to be 32 unless you've got some stories to tell!

LM: Listen, kid. There's nothing to say.

JK: What's up with the "kid"?

JK: Haven't we already established that I'm not a kid by a long shot?

JK: C'mon.

JK: You don't have to tell me a whole lot.

JK: You don't even have to get into anything uncomfortable.

JK: I just wanna learn about you!

JK: That's what friends do!

JK: They swap information about themselves.

JK: So if you're  _really_ my friend, you'll tell me about you.

JK: Please?

LM: God almighty, you're the most persistent person I've ever come across.

JK: Yeah?

LM: What do you want to know?

JK: Oh, you wanna do it that way?

JK: I ask questions and you answer them?

LM: I don't want to do this at all, but I feel like you're not gonna drop it.

JK: I'm not!

JK: :)

JK: First question. Where were you born?

LM: Sandy Springs, GA.

JK: How long did you live there?

LM: Until I was 18.

JK: Where'd you go?

LM: Mississippi.

JK: Why?

LM: College.

JK: What were you in college for?

LM: Really? Med school, genius.

JK: Oh yeah

JK: right

JK: that would make sense

JK: What type of doctor are you?

LM: Neurosurgeon and general practitioner.

JK: You work on the brain?

LM: Mostly. Among other things, obviously.

JK: You were married?

LM: You know the answer to that.

JK: Who to?

LM: Lady named Jocelyn.

JK: What happened to her?

LM: We broke up.

JK: I know that

JK: obviously

JK: are you intentionally being tight lipped?

LM: Yep.

JK: Bones, seriously.

JK: It's not good to hold a bunch of secrets inside.

LM: I'm gonna withhold my comment on that.

JK: Booooooooooooooonessssssssssss.

JK: Why did you two break up?

LM: I worked too much and she cheated.

JK: Like

JK: With another man?

LM: No, with a frog.

JK: What'd you do?

LM: I didn't do anything.

JK: Meaning?

LM: I walked in on them fucking and turned around and walked out of the room. When they, uh, finished, she came out and served me with divorce papers.

JK: You're fucking kidding me!

LM: Do I look like I'm joking?

JK: I can't see you, but my guess would be no.

JK: What happened after that?

JK: If you don't mind telling me.

JK: It's okay if you don't.

JK: Really.

LM: No, it's fine. If I'm gonna talk about it, it's better that I talk about it to you instead of some bush-eyed therapist.

LM: Basically, I moved into a hotel there in town and stayed around long enough to finalize the divorce and then I left. Packed up the few things that she didn't get in the divorce and came out here. I'm lucky that I got a job offer when I did, because I was just about to run out of money. 

LM: To be honest, I hated it here when I first got here. Remember how you found me drunk as a skunk last month?

JK: Yeah?

LM: That's how it was for the first couple of weeks that I'd been here. I'm surprised the hospital let me keep my job.

LM: I guess they wanted an "award-winning" neurosurgeon so badly that they were willing to put up with his drunken antics.

JK: Award winning?

LM: I came up with a new neurosurgical technique and got an award for it. No big deal. 

JK: Sounds like a big deal to me.

LM: Well it's not.

JK: Okay, fine.

JK: I'm not gonna argue about whether or not your award is a big deal.

JK: It is, but I'm not going to argue about it.

LM: Point is, she fucked me over. And I wound up here.

JK: I'm sorry, Bones.

JK: I know what it's like to be fucked over.

JK: I've not been cheated on, but I still know the feeling

JK: of being fucked over ,that is.

LM: Don't apologize.

JK: Why not?

JK: Isn't that the custom of the more recent generations?

JK: Apologize for things that aren't an individual's fault?

LM: Well, yeah. But you don't need to apologize to me. You're probably the only good thing that's come out of this move.

JK: :O

JK: You mean that, Bones?

LM: Yeah. You're probably the best friend I've ever had. Which is not something that I'll ever say again. I can't let people think that I'm getting soft. Gotta keep being grumpy.

JK: Alright, Bones.

JK: You never said a word to me that wasn't grumpy.

JK: Promise.

LM: Heh, thanks.

JK: Anything else you wanna tell me about?

LM: Not today.

JK: That's fine. I can deal with that.

LM: I think I'm gonna turn in early.

JK: Night, Bones.

LM: Goodnight, Jim.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**09 February 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: I hate February.

LM: What'd February do to you?

JK: Nothing

JK: It's just such a boring month

JK: it's short and dinky and there're no important holidays

LM: What's it matter to you if there're no holidays? You're an unemployed vampire. It's not like you're working every day and praying for the next holiday to get here faster.

JK: I don't have to be employed to hate holidays!

JK: I think we should just get rid of February

JK: take it right out of the calendar

LM: Right, and completely ruin the nice calendar system we've got. I'm sure that'll go over well.

JK: You're just jealous b/c you didn't think it up yourself.

LM: How is it that you're unemployed and able to do all the stuff you do? You've got a nice house, a dog, a mobile phone, etc etc.

JK: The stock market is your friend, Bones.

JK: Especially if you've been playing it for as long as it's been around.

LM: Did the Great Depression set you back too badly?

JK: Nah.

JK: I was already rolling in $$$ by then

JK: Hell, I'm still rolling in $$$

JK: I've got enough to last me several hundred more years

JK: and that's without me continuing to play around with stocks.

LM: You're a rich vampire. That figures.

JK: Doesn't it?

JK: Seriously though

JK: When are we going to get rid of February?

LM: Hmm. My guess would be that it'll happen around the time that hell freezes over. Or maybe even on February 31st.

JK: Don't play with me like that.

JK: That's fucking cruel.

JK: I was about to have a fit b/c I thought 31 February was a real day

JK: You asshole.

LM: Don't act so surprised. I was born and raised to be an asshole.

JK: I hate you.

LM: No you don't.

JK: You're right

JK: I don't.

JK: I couldn't hate my best friend.

LM: Well, best friend, you'll hate to hear that I've gotta get off.

JK: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

LM: I wanna actually eat sometime before I pass out.

JK: Are you sticking to those cookbooks I bought you?

LM: I told you, I'm not cooking at my house.

JK: Why not?

LM: I don't have anything to cook with besides a microwave.

JK: Why didn't you tell me that last month?

LM: It didn't come up.

JK: And you get on me for being annoying.

JK: Get over here, Bones.

JK: We're cooking something that isn't a microwaved burrito.

LM: How'd you know I was gonna make a burrito?

JK: I've seen the inside of your freezer. Those were the only things in there.

LM: I'd ask why you were looking inside my freezer, but the sooner I get food, the better.

JK: See you in a few.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**13 February 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: We're watching a movie together tonight.

JK: y?

LM: Because I need something to do.

JK: u could sit on the internet like u always do

LM: I don't want to sit on the internet tonight.

JK: so ur gonna watch a movie w/ me?

LM: Exactly.

JK: wut movie

LM: _All Dogs Go To Heaven_

JK: wat

JK: thts a movie?

LM: Yes, it's a movie.

JK: r u watching it bc of me?

LM: Our conversation got me thinking about it, yeah.

JK: heh, i can't get out of ur head

LM: Do you wanna watch the damn movie or not?

JK: yeah ofc

JK: ur place or mine?

LM: Yours. I'm sure Nyota will enjoy it too.

JK: nyota is a fierce warrior. she has no time for movies

LM: Yeah, okay. It'll be just us, then.

JK: im not complaining

LM: I'll be there soon.

JK: ok!

* * *

**17 February 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: _(510)_ 555-8267-_

JK: how r u?

LM: We need to have a talk.

JK: wut about?

LM: That.

JK: wut?

LM: The fact that you're 260+ years old and you text like a damn teenager.

JK: so?

LM: Why? I can't fathom why you do it.

JK: too lazy to type properly.

LM: You type just fine on the computer.

JK: the computer has big keys

JK: this thing is tiny

JK: its 4 lil fairy fingers or smth

JK: im gonna make mistakes anyway so why bother?

LM: Maybe you should get a bigger phone?

JK: maybe

LM: My break's just about over. I'll talk to you later.

JK: dont leave me

JK: ill get bored

JK: one day im just gonna show up at your work

JK: and ull have to deal w/ it

* * *

**20 February 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Did you know that vampires can have sex?

LM:  _What?_

JK: Sex.

JK: Vampires.

JK: Vampires can have sex. 

LM: I had kind of guessed that you could, but why're you telling me this?

JK: Just figured that you ought to know.

JK: In case you ever need to do any sort of doctor stuff on me.

JK: I don't want you hacking off my genitals because you think they're unnecessary.

JK: They're still very useful.

JK: Especially for sex.

JK: hint hint

JK: You should have sex with me.

JK: Right now

JK: Today

JK: Just come over and let me fuck you into the mattress

JK: I wanna fuck you so bad, Bones

LM: First off, I'm a neurosurgeon. Secondly, I'm not going anywhere near your genitals. Third, in what world would hacking off your genitals be helpful at all? Fourth, what the hell is wrong with you?

JK: You're still a surgeon.

JK: You don't wanna see 'em?

JK: Or touch em?

JK: Or feel them inside you?

JK: ;)

JK: You totally can if you want.

LM: No. No no no no no. No. No. Not at all. No.

JK: You sure?

LM: I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

JK: That's a shame.

JK: If you ever change your mind, let me know.

JK: ;) ;)

LM: If you make that face one more time, so help me god.

JK: ;)

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

JK: Booooooooooooooooooooooonessssssssssssssssssssssssssss. coooooooooome back!

- _Your message will be delivered the next time Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is online.-_

* * *

**25 February 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Do you want to explain what the hell you were playing at the other night?

JK: Don't let me get drunk.

JK: End of story.

JK: I didn't mean anything by it.

JK: I swear.

LM: You're sure?

JK: Positive.

JK: I'm just a bit strange whenever I've had too much to drink.

LM: You're damn good at typing for a drunk man.

JK: I've had years of practice.

LM: Right. Anyway.

JK: Yeah.

JK: Anyway.

LM: I just wanted to clear that up. I'm gonna go.

JK: Bones..

JK: You're not mad at me, are you?

JK: I swear, I didn't mean it.

LM: I'm not mad, Jim. Weirded out, yeah, but I'm getting over it.

JK: You're sure?

LM: Yeah. Just gimme a few more days.

JK: Alright. Talk to you later?

LM: Yep.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**28 February 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Last day of the month. Ready for February to be over?

JK: You bet!

JK: I hate February.

JK: More than anything.

JK: Well, not anything.

JK: But I hate it a lot.

LM: I know. You mentioned that weeks ago. Is March any better?

JK: Of course! My two favourite days of the year are in March!

LM: And what days would those be?

JK: :)))))))))

JK: You'll find out!

JK: But obviously not until those two days happen

JK: I don't wanna ruin the surprise

JK: so I've gotta leave you guessing!

LM: Of course you will.

JK: Listen, I've gotta get Nyota to the vet.

JK: Chat later?

LM: If we have to.

JK: Hey, don't pull the grumpy old man card on me!

JK: We've been friends too long for you to suddenly start getting tired of me.

LM: Never said I was tired of you. Not once.

JK: Good. You better not be.

JK: You're stuck with me.

JK: Except when I have to go somewhere.

JK: AKA: now.

JK: Byeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chat segments that happened on 20 & 25 February were totally unplanned. Since I'm still new at what _exactly_ each rating covers and doesn't cover, I've bumped the rating up to Teen just to be safe.
> 
> So, guys! Any speculation as to what two days of March are Jim's favourite? Leave your guesses in the comments! (I obviously won't be able to tell you if you're right or wrong, I just wanna see some of what you guys are thinking!)


	5. March 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is angst ahead in this chapter! There's gonna be angst in several upcoming chapters, so please keep that in mind as we go forth! You can't have a story without conflict, after all.

**03 March 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

Jim Kirk: Bones, my man!

JK: March is finally here and in full swing!

JK: Can you believe it?

Leonard McCoy: Yep. March does follow February every year. I believe it.

JK: Oh, you're no fun!

JK: :(

JK: :P

LM: Why d'you like March so damn much anyway?

JK: I told you!

JK: My two favourite days of the entire year are in this one month

JK: Plus, life starts to return to the Earth!

JK: days start getting longer, trees get leaves again, the air gets just a little bit warmer

JK: It's spring, Bones!

JK: Spring!

LM: Hmph. All I ever get from spring is goddamn hay fever. Ain't nothing joyous about that.

JK: Maybe spring doesn't like you too much because you've got a bad personality.

JK: You should be excited!

JK: Not that I'm all that surprised that you're not.

JK: You've got a downright rotten personality sometimes.

LM: What the hell? What's up with the sudden attack on my personality?

JK: I just get tired of how you're so grumpy all the time.

JK: You're not even 40 and you treat life like it's this misery inducing thing.

JK: You think you'd try to make the most of what you've got.

JK: Life's short and chances are that you're not gonna live to be 200+ something.

JK: Chances are you won't even live to 100.

JK: So would it kill you to be cheerful every once in awhile?

LM: I didn't realize my personality was so damn grating. My sincerest fucking apologies for grating on your nerves. It's not like you're ever grating, with your ever pleasant personality and chipper bullshit.

JK: "Chipper bullshit"?

LM: You're so damn happy all the time that it's _infuriating_. And then you've got the nerve to call me out on my personality. Did you ever stop to think that maybe your personality is just as bad?

JK: My personality might be grating, but at least I'm not an asshole like you are.

JK: I was just trying to point something out and here you are ripping me to shreds.

LM: I bet you'd be an asshole too if you worked 48 hour shifts at the local emergency room, watching people come in and die day in and day out. Maybe you'd be an asshole if you were constantly exhausted from working too much and not sleeping enough. Maybe you'd be an asshole if you'd come the fuck out of your goddamn crypt more than once every ten years. Hell, maybe you'd be an asshole if you watched your wife fuck another man in your bed when you'd spent the last seven years thinking everything was A-OK.

JK: Oh yeah, go on. Blame your bad personality on your job.

JK: Maybe if you stopped sitting on a computer instead of sleeping you wouldn't be so tired all the time.

JK: Maybe you'd be a better person, your wife wouldn't have left you.

JK: _Maybe if you were a better doctor, so many people wouldn't die in your care._

LM: Fuck you, Jim.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

JK: Bones

JK: Shit

JK: Bones

JK: I didn't mean that

JK: fuck

JK: fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

JK: Bones, come back

_-Your message will be delivered the next time Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is online.-_

* * *

**04 March 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) has deleted you as a contact-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-_ _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) sends a contact request to Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981)-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**05 March 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: bones?

LM: Fuck off.

JK: bones please just talk to me

LM: Fuck off, Jim.

JK: bones im sorry

LM: If you don't stop texting me, I'll block your number.

* * *

**06 March 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: [11:15] bones.

JK: [15:48] bones cmon

JK: [17:23] bones please text me back

JK: [19:59] bones im sorry

JK: [23:07] goodnight bones

* * *

**07 March 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: [09:37] boooones

JK: [10:18] bones i need 2 tlk 2 u

JK: [12:54] bones please i miss you

LM: [12:57] Stop.

JK: [12:59] bones..

* * *

**08 March 2013**

_-Incoming voice call from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

_-You have rejected one (1) call from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

_-You have one (1) new voicemail from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: [Voicemail] Bones, you rejected my call? -sigh- Listen, Bones. Where are you? Your house is dark, your car's gone, mail's practically falling out of your mailbox, and I'm worried. Did you move away? -pause- No, you probably didn't. It's pretentious of me to even think like that. Your life doesn't revolve around me, obviously. Bones, I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry that it hurts. I shouldn't have said what I did, shouldn't have been such an asshole. It's okay if you don't want to be my friend anymore, I get that. You wouldn't be the first person that's stopped being my friend. But at least come home. You'll always be welcome at my house if you want. I miss you. Nyota misses you. Your place is here in Oakland, not wherever you've run off to. I've talked long enough and I'll let you go now. Oh, uh, uh, it's Jim, by the way. Jim Kirk. -awkward pause- Yeah. Okay. Bye. -voicemail ends-

* * *

**09 March 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: I'll be home in a few days. We'll talk then.

JK: alright

JK: i miss u bones

LM: I know.

* * *

**12 March 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) wants to chat with you-_

_-You have accepted Jim Kirk (countkirkula) as a contact-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Bones?

JK: Bones, will you talk to me now?

JK: Bones, I'm sorry.

LM: Y'know, I can get behind everything else you said to me. I've got a bad personality, I'm not the best person in the world, and I could probably fix my sleeping habits if I tried. What I can't get behind is you calling my medical degree and all the skills that come with it into doubt.

JK: Bones, you're a great person. I'm sorry that I made that comment about your wife and I'm sorry that I got bitchy about your personality and I'm sorry that I was an asshole

JK: but you're not a bad doctor

JK: I know you're not a bad doctor

JK: I was mad and I lashed out and I didn't mean to

JK: But Bones you've gotta believe me

JK: I don't think you're a bad doctor and I don't think that people die because of you

JK: and I'm so sorry

JK: I'd take it all back if I could

JK: I don't think before I speak and I never wanted to fight with you anyway

JK: Bones, you're my best friend

JK: I don't want to stop being your friend and I know that you can be grumpy and that's ok!

JK: what I'm saying is

JK: please don't leave me

JK: You're the only person I've got

JK: Bones, I can't lose you

JK: Not over something like this

JK: please

JK: please talk to me

LM: Well if you'd stop bombarding me with messages every five seconds, maybe I'd actually say something

JK: Oh yeah

JK: Right.

LM: I'm not going anywhere, Jim. I shouldn't have flared up like I did. You just started in on me and I didn't know how to take it or how to react so I got mad. That's my default reaction. I've got to get mad and save face. And when I get mad, I say the dumbest things ever. My mouth used to get me into a lot of trouble, to be honest. So I can't be mad at you for saying what you did to me when I was just as bad. I forgive you. Can you forgive me?

JK: Bones

JK: ε-(´・｀) ﾌ

JK: I'm so glad you're not going anywhere

LM: What the hell kind of emoticon was that?

JK: it's a little person going "phew"

JK: they're from Japan

JK: they're really cute and I can't stop using them

JK: although some of them don't show up right

JK: anyway

JK: can I ask where you went?

JK: y'know

JK: because you just disappeared

JK: you were there the next morning and then you didn't come back until last night.

LM: Pasadena.

JK: Why the hell were you in Pasadena?

LM: Medical conference. I was a guest speaker to a bunch of neurosurgeons. I was gonna tell you about it the night before I left, but we wound up fighting.

JK: Was it a good medical conference?

LM: It was alright, I guess. It was mostly just a bunch of doctors patting each other on the backs for work they stole off of interns and passed off as their own. I tell you, Jim. Most doctors are in it for the money. They don't give a damn about the patients, they care about when they'll have enough to buy another house, or another boat, or whatever. The patients are just means to an end, a revolving door of money and gratitude. The medical field isn't about healing any more and it's a goddamn shame.

JK: Oh

JK: OK

JK: I'm sorry that the medical field sucks now.

JK: It wasn't that bad way back when.

LM: When was the last time you even saw a doctor, Jim?

JK: 1944.

LM: Christ alfuckingmighty. That's what, 69 years?

JK: Vampires have good health!

JK: Unless they get shot by someone on the opposing side of the battle.

LM: Oh yeah, you were part of WWII. Is that why you wound up seeing a doctor?

JK: Yepp.

LM: At least there's little risk of you getting shot in these parts, huh?

JK: Thank god.

JK: I was terrified that something was gonna go wrong and they were gonna figure out that I was a vampire

LM: Did they?

JK: No.

JK: I managed to keep a lid on the whole "I suck blood" thing.

LM: At least if you get hurt now, you can come to me.

JK: I can?

LM: Of course, dumbass. I live right across the street. And if I'm at work, which'd be even better for you, you can request that I be your attending physician. I'll take care of you.

JK: Wow.

JK: Thanks, Bones.

JK: I'm glad I stopped eating apples.

LM: ??

JK: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

JK: I don't wanna keep you away.

LM: That is, by far, the corniest thing you've ever said to me.

JK: I know! :D

LM: I gotta go.

JK: I'll talk to you later?

LM: Why do you always ask that? You know you'll talk to me later.

JK: I just like to see you say it.

LM: I'll talk to you later.

LM: Happy?

JK: Immensely.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**15 March** **2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Happy March 15th!

LM: What's special about March 15th?

JK: You really don't know?

LM: No, not really.

JK: Julius Caesar got stabbed to death today!

JK: Y'know

JK: "Beware the ides of March"

JK: and Caesar didn't listen and went to the Senate House anyway

JK: and then everyone stabbed him to death

JK: "et tu, Brute" and all that?

JK: Even though it's really thought that if Caesar said anything before he got stabbed it was

JK: "kai su teknon" which translates to "You too, young man?"

LM: Strange.

JK: What?

JK: What's strange?

LM: I  _was_ Julius Caesar in a past life.

JK: No you weren't.

LM: I'm not kidding, Jim! I had a fortune teller once tell me that I'd been Caesar. It's a crying shame that I didn't beware the ides of March.

JK: You don't actually believe that, do you?

LM: I do.

JK: Now that's strange.

JK: I took you to be a rational, grounded man.

JK: Not someone that believed in fortune tellers and mystics and past lives.

LM: Somehow becoming friends with a vampire took away what little bit of rationality that I had.

JK: Fair enough.

JK: Still, what prompted you to believe this fortune teller?

LM: She didn't seem like she was lying. I'd like to believe that I'm good at telling when people are lying.

JK: Or maybe you're just gullible.

LM: Oh, fuck off. I'm not gullible. Doctors don't have the luxury of being gullible.

JK: Yeah, ok.

JK: Anyway.

JK: Do you wanna come celebrate with me?

LM: Celebrate the death of a Roman leader? Who celebrates something that morbid?

JK: I do!

JK: It's one of my favourite days of the year!

LM: Yeah, uh, sure. I guess I'll come celebrate with you.

JK: Great! I bought a cake just for the occasion.

LM: "Hi, I'd like to buy a cake." "And what do you want it to say?" "Happy deathday, Julius Caesar!" I'm sure that went over real well.

JK: It did, I'll have you know.

JK: I got my cake, didn't I?

LM: I'm gonna come over and I'm gonna roll my eyes at you for that comment and that comment alone.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**19 March 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: _(510) 555-3287-__

LM:Jim

JK: yeah bones?

LM: Have a good day today.

JK: i will

JK: whats that for?

LM: Dunno, just felt like saying it.

JK: oh

JK: well thanks.

JK: you 2

* * *

**22 March 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

_-Today is Jim Kirk's birthday!-_

LM: It's your birthday?

JK: Sure is!

JK: I was born 268 years ago today!

JK: Do you think my hair's gonna start greying anytime soon?

LM: I'll admit, that got me to snort.

JK: Did it really?

JK: :D :D :D :D :D

JK: I got you to snort!

LM: Don't get too excited. You might break something.

JK: Will not!

JK: So, did you get me a present?

LM: Uh...no? I didn't know it was your birthday until five seconds ago.

JK: Bones!

JK: I'm kidding.

JK: I know you didn't get me a present.

JK: But you know what'd work in place of one?

LM: What?

JK: If you went and bought me cake and then came over and spent the night.

JK: We could have a sleepover!

JK: We could eat cake and watch a movie and I'm sure Nyota would enjoy having you over

JK: Can you do it?

JK: If you can't, I'll understand

JK: I promise

JK: If you can't come over, that's fine

LM: Jim. I'll go get a cake and I'll come over.

JK: Really?!

JK: You will?

JK: Promise?

LM: I promise. What type of cake d'you want?

JK: One of the ones that's a giant cookie.

JK: I've gotten one of those every year since they first came out.

JK: They're my favourite thing in the world.

LM: I'll get you a cookie cake and I'll be over ASAP.

JK: Thank you.

JK: This means the world to me.

LM: No problem. See you soon.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**25 March 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: I had a weird dream last night.

JK: Oh yeah?

JK: Wanna tell me about it?

LM: Promise not to laugh too hard?

JK: I promise.

JK: Scout's honour.

LM: I had a dream where Fox Mulder and Dana Scully were at your house and they were trying to exorcise you. Apparently you'd been possessed by Satan and instead of using holy water to bring out the demon they used Mountain Dew.

JK: What the actual fuck, Bones.

JK: I think someone needs to stop eating before bed.

JK: Although I have had people in the past accuse me of being possessed by Satan.

JK: Those people were not fun to be around.

JK: Not fun at all.

LM: I would suppose not.

JK: I've got a question.

LM: Shoot.

JK: Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Who are they?

LM: You don't know who Scully and Mulder are?

JK: No.

JK: Should I?

LM: So you've never seen  _The X-Files?_

JK: If it's anything like  _The X Factor_ , no.

LM: It's not. I promise. It's this show about these two FBI agents that investigate paranormal stuff and alien invasions. It's a great show and it was really big back in the 90's. I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

JK: I was a bit busy in the 1990's.

LM: With?

JK: Federal prison.

LM: You? In federal prison? What in god's name for?

JK: Oh, no n o no. I wasn't an inmate. I was a prison guard!

JK: I tried having a job again and I didn't really like it

JK: but somehow I wound up staying for 10 years

LM: And that took up your entire life between 1990 and 2000?

JK: Pretty much, yeah. 

JK: I spent most of my time there, and slept in the few hours of free time I had.

JK: I don't know why I wanted to get a job again. It sucked.

LM: That about sums up the working world for you. It sucks. But unlike you, some of us actually have to work to survive.

JK: You could always just let me take care of you.

JK: You'd never have to work again. I'd pay your way for everything.

LM: That's not a funny joke, Jim.

JK: Who said I was joking?

JK: I'd do it for you.

JK: Plus it'd mean you'd get to spend more time with you.

LM: What?

LM: And give up being a surgeon? No way. I don't think I could do that. My entire life is that job. I can't just toss that away.

JK: Oh.

JK: That's no problem.

JK: I understand.

LM: But I really, really do appreciate the offer! It means the world to me, Jim. It really does.

JK: I'm glad.

JK: And it'll always stand.

JK: You're always welcome to quit your job and let me take care of you.

LM: Again, I appreciate that but it probably won't happen.

JK: Hey, I'm gonna take Nyota for a walk around the neighbourhood.

JK: Care to join me?

LM: Why not? I'll meet you out front in 5.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**30 March 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: _(510)__ 555-3287-

LM: Just got a flier about the opening of the new air & space museum

JK: yeah?

LM: Wanna go tomorrow? I've got the day off work.

JK: of course!!!

JK: i love air and space

JK: i was there when the wright brothers had their first flight

LM: Bullshit.

JK: is not! i was there!

LM: Regardless, I'll swing by and pick you up in the morning? Will you be OK?

JK: yeah. ill do like i did at christmas. loads of clothes. also a hat. maybe some gloves.

LM: Oh yeah, that won't attract attention.

JK: it might but at least ill be safe from exploding into dust.

LM: Fair point. See you in the morning.

JK: ok bye.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you guys got the two most important days of March right in last chapter's comments! Good on you guys! You should feel proud for guessing correctly! (or maybe I should feel bad for being predictable?) (Side note: 15 March is actually my birthday, so I'm kind of a sucker for including that in fics whenever I can.)
> 
> Also, I want to give a really big thanks to the several people that are keeping up with this story. I'm glad I've been able to rope you guys in and keep you interested. Everytime one of you guys comments at the end of a chapter, my heart swells. 
> 
> With that being said, I'm already planning to possibly take this story further with some sort of companion piece once the main work is all said and done. I can't say anything more about it other than "it's something that'll probably happen" but I'll definitely have more to say once we get closer to the end of this fic. 
> 
> Finally, my good friend [nicolashalden](http://nicolashalden.tumblr.com/) drew a wonderful piece of fan art for Chapter 2, which I've linked in the text for that chapter. Feel free to go back and view it if you'd like!


	6. April 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are several links in the text of this chapter. While you don't _have_ to click on them, they're visual aids that will help you get a feel for what they're speaking about!

**01 April 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones

JK: Bones bones bonesbonesbonesbones

JK: Bones I need your help

LM: What is it, Jim?

JK: I need you to help me move my stuff.

LM: What stuff?

JK: All of it.

JK: Everything I own.

JK: I need you to help me move it.

LM: You're moving?

JK: Only temporarily.

JK: I'm renovating my house.

JK: I've already found a temporary place to live.

LM: Alright. So where're we moving this stuff?

JK: 17017 Galileo Avenue.

LM: Very funny, Jim. That's my address.

JK: Exactly.

JK: I'm moving in with you.

JK: Don't worry, it's only temporary!

LM: Are you out of your corn-fed mind?

JK: No.

JK: At least, not last time I checked.

JK: Why?

LM: Have you  _seen_ your house?

JK: Yeah, every day for the last 13 years.

JK: What's this got to do with anything?

LM: If you've seen your house, than you've got to understand that you're  _cannot_ fit all your crap from that [monstrosity of a house](http://sciencefiction.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/b_337_1120_Westchester_Place_Front.jpg) into my [tiny little box of a house](http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110621232821/desperate/images/8/85/Wisteria_Lane_-_Susan_Mayer.jpg).

JK: Oh, I'm sure it'll be fine.

JK: So are you gonna help me move in or not?

LM: Not happening. You're not moving in here.

JK: Booooooooones!

JK: You're gonna let me be homeless?

LM: Jim, there's no room. There is absolutely no room for all your possessions in my house.

JK: I'm sure we can make them fit.

JK: It'll be like an episode of Hoarders.

JK: At least it'll be short term.

JK: Do you have a second bedroom?

JK: If you don't, I'll just have to sleep in your bed.

LM: The hell you are! I already told you, this isn't happening. Go rent a damn apartment or something.

JK: Bones.

JK: Bonesbonesbonesbones _bones._

JK: Please?

JK: I'd rather live with my best friend while my house is being renovated rather than in some apartment.

JK: Please?

LM: .....Fine.

LM: I don't know how the hell we're gonna make this work, but we'll try.

JK: Really?

JK: You really mean that?

JK: You're gonna lemme move in with you?

LM: Yeah.

JK: And you're serious, you're not joking?

LM: I'm serious, Jim.

JK: April fools!

LM: What?

JK: April fools!

JK: My house isn't actually being renovated!

JK: I just wanted to see if you'd fall for it.

JK: and youuuuuuuu did!

LM: I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass that you'll be tasting shoe leather for weeks, you got that?

JK: Good god, Bones.

JK: There's no reason to threaten me like that.

LM: You had my mind working overdrive for a damn joke! I was already trying to think about how we would make it work and where we'd put all your stuff.

JK: I really don't think that's it.

JK: I think you were excited.

JK: You can't get enough of me, so you were excited at the thought of having me around 24/7.

LM: Yeah, uh-huh. That's definitely it.

JK: Really?

LM: April fools, asshole.

JK: I knew you weren't being serious.

JK: You can't April fools me if I knew you were being serious.

LM: Just shut up. 

JK: Will do, Captain Hateful.

LM: You're never gonna call me by my real name, are you?

JK: We've been over this before, Bones.

LM: Fill me in again.

JK: Nope.

JK: Never gonna call you by your real name.

LM: Good. I'm not sure I want you to.

JK: I won't.

JK: Nyota just peed on the carpet.

LM: Oh my god.

JK: Yep.

JK: My dog just pissed on the carpet.

LM: Are you gonna fucking clean it up?

JK: Yeah.

JK: And then I'm gonna take her for a walk so she doesn't shit on the carpet.

LM: You have fun with that.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline_ _-_

* * *

**04 April 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: nvr did thank u 4 the trip to the air/space museum

JK: so thank you

LM: It was no problem. I don't think I've ever seen you so happy.

JK: rlly?

LM: Jim, you tried to jump into  _The Spirit of St. Louis._

JK: hehe

LM: You actually got inside on the  _Wright Flyer_  before security removed us from the museum.

JK: i didnt know you werent supposed to touch

JK: and its not my fault they didn't believe me

JK: i was there when it originally flew so i deserve to be able to touch it!

LM: Jim, there were giant signs everywhere. "DO NOT TOUCH." How could you miss those?

LM: And did you really think a security guard would believe you were alive in 1903?

JK: i was busy looking at planes. and the security guard was dumb for not believing me.

LM: Obviously.

JK: aviation is fun bones! i wanna be a pilot one day.

LM: You've got an unlimited amount of time to achieve that goal.

JK: do you think i could do it?

LM: If you put your mind to it, I suppose. Nothing's impossible.

JK: except curing cancer. that's impossible.

LM: Don't remind me.

JK: ok ok i wont remind you

LM: I'm gonna go back to bed. You woke me up.

JK: fuck sorry

JK: really sorry

JK: didnt mean to wake you up

JK: go back to sleep

LM: I'll talk to you later.

 

* * *

**07 April 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Bones, could I get your opinion on something?

LM: Sure, I guess. Don't know how much my opinion's gonna be worth though.

JK: Well okay see

JK: I was trying on new clothes

JK: and I wanted to know if you thought this one thing was my style or not

LM: If by "your style" you mean ratty t-shirts with holes in them and pants that look like you've had them since the Revolutionary War, then whatever you've bought probably isn't your style.

JK: I have had those pants since the Revolutionary War

JK: but that's not the point here!

JK: just look at the picture and tell me what you think

- _Jim Kirk sends file "[bones is gonna love this.png](http://postfiles1.naver.net/data44/2009/6/5/256/surrender.dorothy.2006.dvdrip.xvid-cipa.eng.avi_002998040_funnyfunnee.jpg?type=w2)"-_

_-Leonard McCoy accepts file "bones is gonna love this.png"-_

LM: What in the sam hill is that, Jim?

JK: It's me!

JK: Duh, Bones.

JK: Who else would it be?

LM: But why the hell are you wearing a wig? And makeup? And a dress?

JK: Well, the store had it

JK: And the lady that was helping me said that I'd look really good in it

JK: So she helped me get all prettied up and then took a picture of me

JK: I thought you'd like it!!

LM: You've got nice arms.

JK: What?

JK: Out of that entire picture, you decide to comment on my arms?

LM: They're nice. Y'know, they're toned. Nice arms.

JK: You alright over there, Bones?

JK: Or are you having some sort of fit over my arms?

LM: What? No. I'm not "having a fit over your arms."

JK: You sure? You just got quiet for like five minutes there.

LM: I didn't have a fit over your arms!!

JK: Alright, alright.

JK: ...

JK: Don't have a fit.

JK:  _over my arms_

LM: You're an infuriating son of a bitch sometimes, you know that?

JK: So I've been told.

JK: By you.

JK: Repeatedly.

LM: And I'll keep telling you until the day I die.

JK: What if you never die?

LM: You'll be hearing me call you infuriating for the rest of time, I suppose.

JK: I could get used to that.

JK: but we're getting way off topic

JK: What did you think about my outfit??

LM: It was alright, I guess?

JK: You guess?

JK: C'mon Bones, that's all you've got to say?

LM: I don't really care about other people's outfits. Hell, I hardly care about my outfits.

JK: Well that's obvious

JK: You constantly look like you stepped out of bed and put on the first thing you found in the closet

JK: You need a serious fashion makeover.

LM: We're not talking about my "fashion choices" right now.

JK: Then what are we talking about?

LM: How that dress really doesn't look good on you.

JK: It doesn't?

JK: What's wrong with it?

LM: Well, hmm, I dunno. Maybe the fact that _it's a dress?_

JK: What's wrong with men wearing dresses?

JK: Don't tell me that you're one of those narrow minded people

JK: y'know, the ones who are all "no crossdressing bleh D:<"

LM: Well, no. I just don't think dresses look good on you.

JK: Oh?

JK: So what would look good on me?

JK: I can think of something, but I'm not sure how you'd feel about it.

LM: ??

JK: A leather jacket.

JK: I should totally buy a leather jacket.

JK: That'd look so good on me.

LM: I dunno.

LM: Listen, I need to go. Now.

JK: You alright?

LM: Yeah. Just gotta do some stuff. Around the house.

JK: O..kay.

JK: Don't see why that can't wait

JK: but okay

JK: Bye, Bones.

LM: Bye.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**10 April 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: You're talking to James Tiberius Kirk, future pilot!

LM: Am I now?

JK: Yep!

JK: Signed up for flying lessons this morning.

LM: I thought you couldn't really go out in daylight. Aren't you just gonna explode into dust when you're flying a plane? 

JK: I'm trying the same workaround that I've been using to go places with you.

JK: Hoodies and gloves and all that stuff

LM: Your flight instructor's gonna think you're deranged.

JK: As long as I get a pilot's licence out of it, I really don't care.

LM: What are you gonna do with a pilot's licence? You gonna buy a plane or something?

JK: Yeah, maybe.

JK: That is kind of the point of getting a pilot's licence.

JK: You know, being able to buy planes and fly around in them?

JK: What else did you think I was gonna do with it?

LM: I dunno. Show it off to people?

JK: Well

JK: there is gonna be a fair amount of that

JK: but listen

JK: I've got a favour that I want to ask of you.

LM: The future pilot needs a favour from a lowly neurosurgeon such as myself?

JK: Sure do.

JK: Will you come with me to my lessons?

LM: Are they gonna put me in the plane?

JK: I dunno, they might?

LM: No, sorry. Can't do it.

JK: Why not??

LM: I don't like planes. I don't like being in planes that are off of the ground. I don't like flying.

JK: Why?

LM: Plane crashes. Terrorists. Accidents on the tarmac. Flight delays.

JK: So you won't get in a plane with me?

LM: Absolutely not.

JK: Please?

LM: Jim, you are asking for disaster if you put me in a plane.

JK: Please?

JK: Please Bones?

LM: I would do a lot of things for you, Jim Kirk, but getting into a plane is not one of them.

JK: You can't live your life being afraid of everything.

JK: It's not healthy.

LM: I'm not afraid of everything. Just planes. And flying.

JK: Same difference.

JK: How are you gonna travel places?

JK: What are you gonna do when I kidnap you and force you into a plane?

JK: How are you gonna deal if you're too afraid to take the first step?

JK: Bones, you can get over your aviaphobia.

JK: Just lemme help you.

LM: How the hell are you gonna help me?

JK: I don't know.

JK: I wish I would've known that this is why you threw up three times on the plane back at Christmas

JK: I wouldn't have kept teasing you about it if I'd known.

JK: But please, Bones. Let me help you.

JK: You don't have to go to flight school with me or anything like that

JK: but we can get you over this!

LM: Alright, fine. You've got one strike and you're out. If I don't think it's helping, we're not doing it any more.

JK: Fine.

JK: I can agree to that.

JK: I'll see what type of info I can dig up and I'll get back to you.

LM: You do that.

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**14 April 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: im listening to marina & the diamonds

LM: OK?

JK: have u ever listened 2 her?

LM: No, not really. Heard her on the radio but I don't "listen to her."

JK: shes good. you should listen to her one day.

LM: OK, I might.

JK: shes got this one song called "bubblegum bitch" and she's like:

JK: "so pull me closer and kiss me hard"

JK: i think id like that

JK: for someone to pull me close and kiss me hard

LM: Why are you telling me this?

JK: youre my friend right? youre supposed to find someone 4 me 2 kiss

LM: That's not how friendship works, I don't think.

JK: u sure? cant u find me some1 2 kiss that you work w/?

LM: Uh, no. I can't. Sorry.

JK: y not?

LM: I don't work with anyone interested in kissing.

JK: thats not true. every1 wants to kiss

LM: Yeah, and all my coworkers are married.

JK: all of them?

LM: All of them. There's not a single person in sight around here.

JK: thats not true.

JK: youre single.

LM: Besides me, Jim!

JK: oh.

JK: so no kissing?

LM: Not from my coworkers.

JK: if u find anyone interested in kissing a hot piece of ass, u kno where im @

LM: Yeah, uh. Will do.

JK: good. gonna go listen to more marina now

JK: you really should listen to her

JK: ill stick her cd through ur mailslot

JK: ok?

LM: Alright, Jim. I've got work to do. Talk to you later.

JK: byeeeeeee!

* * *

**15 April 2013**

_-Incoming voice call from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

_-You have missed one (1) call from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

_-You have one (1) new voicemail from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: Hey Jim. It's Leon- It's Bones. I'm on my break at work and I just wanted to call and wish you luck at your flying lesson today. Please don't crash or burst into dust. For that matter, just don't do anything stupid. And on the off chance that you wind up doin' somethin' stupid, remember that the emergency number in America is 911. So if you're in trouble, call 911. I'm sure they'll get you down here to my ER in time. Okay, well I gotta get goin'. Good luck, Captain Kirk! Alright, bye. -line disconnects-

* * *

**16 April 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: Quick question.

JK: shoot.

LM: Did I or did I not just see you outside my OR?

JK: did not.

LM: You sure about that?

JK: yepp.

LM: That's funny. Because I just saw a blue eyed, blonde haired kid in a hoodie giving me thumbs up through the OR window.

JK: wasnt me.

LM: He also screamed "Go Bones! You can do it!"

JK: that might have been me.

LM: Might've been?

JK: ok it was

LM: What did I tell you about coming to visit me at work?

JK: not 2

LM: That's right, I told you not to.

JK: i was bored.

LM: So you came to watch me perform surgery?

JK: yepp.

LM: How the hell did you even get back there? That entire corridor is for authorized personnel only.

JK: told the receptionist that i was your boyfriend & that there was an emergency

JK: she let me in just like that. seemed shocked that you had a boyfriend

LM: You did /what?/

JK: you can read, bones.

LM: Why the hell would you do that?!

LM: I'm not your boyfriend!

LM: We're not dating!

JK: already told u. i was bored and wanted 2 see you.

LM: Don't do that again. Don't tell anyone that you're my boyfriend and just stay away from my work, alright?

JK: did u get what i left at the front desk?

LM: No? Nobody told me I had anything up there.

JK: i brought you lunch. figured you were probs hungry.

JK: its szechuan chicken. 

JK: i know how much you like that.

LM: Oh. Wow. Thanks, Jim.

JK: no problem.

JK: sure you don't want me to show up again?

LM: I take that back. 

JK: you do?

LM: Yeah. Maybe you can come by for lunch? I get an hour that we could spend together.

JK: youd spend your lunch break w/ me?

LM: Only if you promise not to hit on any of the nurses that pass by.

JK: i think i can do tht :)

LM: See you tomorrow around the same time?

JK: sure thing bones.

LM: Thanks.

JK: no problem.

* * *

**19 April 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Hey Bones

JK: You were telling me about that show from the 90's

JK: _The X Factor_?

LM: _The X-Files_ , Jim. Not _The X Factor_.

JK: yeah yeah, anyway

JK: I wanna watch it.

JK: With you.

JK: Right now.

JK: Can we watch it together?

LM: I don't actually have it on DVD or anything.

JK: Oh, you don't?

JK: Yeah, I noticed that last time I was over at your house.

LM: So why are you asking to watch it if you know that I don't actually have a way to watch it?

JK: Because you do now!

LM: Yeah, I'm looking around and I still don't see any DVDs.

JK: That's because they're here with me.

JK: I bought all of them for you

JK: But I haven't been able to bring them over yet.

LM: You didn't have to do that, Jim.

JK: I wanted to.

JK: You're my best friend.

JK: Best friends get each other things.

JK: You deserve something nice.

LM: You're a trip. 

JK: So can we watch them or not?

LM: Right now?

JK: Yes, Bones.

JK: Right now.

JK: Right here today.

LM: I guess. I'm not doing anything important for the next couple days.

JK: Good.

JK: I'll be over ASAP.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**24 April 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: You won't believe what I came across this morning.

JK: What?

LM: You. In a history book. I came across a picture of you in a history book that I was reading.

JK: Damn, really?

LM: Sure did. It was a book about the '89 Loma Prieta earthquake.

JK: I remember that. 

JK: I was living across the bay in San Francisco at the time.

JK: My entire house got destroyed.

JK: Collapsed down onto the garage supports.

JK: I thought it was gonna be okay besides that, but nooooooooo

JK: There was aftershock not long after that caused the entire building to collapse outwards onto the street.

JK: What's the picture of me about?

LM: Funnily enough (or maybe not) it's about just that.

JK: My house collapsing?

LM: Yeah. There's a picture of you with this distraught look on your face as you look at the house.

JK: Is there a caption?

LM: "Marina District resident James Kirk (26) looks on in distress at the ruins of his home."

JK: Can you send me a copy of the picture?

- _Leonard McCoy sends file "2013-04-24 23:31:16.png"-_

_-Jim Kirk accepts file "2013-04-24 23:31:16.png"-_

JK: I don't remember that picture being taken.

JK: I'm kinda ticked off that my name and picture's in a book

JK: especially when I didn't give permission for it to be there

LM: So sue. Nobody's important's gonna come across this book.

JK: You did!

JK: You came across it, Bones.

LM: Well, fair point.

JK: Can you bring that book over so I can get a better look at it?

LM: Dear god, you're not actually gonna sue are you?

JK: Nah, but I am gonna contact them

JK: see if I can't get the picture taken out in future printings

LM: If there even is gonna be a future printing. This book's 15 years old.

JK: Doesn't matter.

JK: Bring it over?

LM: Yeah, fine.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**27 April 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: Any luck with that book?

JK: Nope.

JK: Publisher went out of business years ago.

LM: So what're you gonna do? Buy every copy of this book that exists?

JK: A good idea, but no.

JK: I'm just gonna deal with it.

JK: Like you said, nobody important is gonna come across it.

JK: I hope. 

LM: I really doubt that your vampire secret is gonna be exposed because of a picture in a book.

JK: You're probably right.

JK: It's still just a bit worrisome, y'know?

JK: But like I said

JK: I'm not gonna worry about it too heavily.

LM: Good. Ain't no use in getting yourself all worked up over something that probably won't even happen.

JK: You're right.

LM: Hmph, I never thought I'd hear you say that I was right. About anything.

JK: It's probably the only time you'll ever hear it.

JK: I'm just deferring to your medical advice, that's all.

LM: Anyway, how goes the flying lessons?

JK: Great!

JK: I've only been to two, and they've not let me anywhere near a plane yet.

JK: It's disappointing

JK: I've been bouncing off the walls

JK: I've got the most boring instructor.

JK: His name's Spock and he just has this voice

JK: God, his voice drives me up the wall. It's so fucking monotone and emotionless.

JK: He's all about being logical and he's _so_ hung up on rules and regulations and blah blah blaaaah

LM: You do realize that if you don't pay attention to those rules and regulations, it's gonna hurt you in the long run?

JK: I knoooooow, but I just wanna fly!

LM: You'll get there soon enough.

JK: And so will you, Bones.

JK: I'm still looking into helping with your aviaphobia

JK: I bet you'd thought I'd forgotten about that, huh?

LM: I had been hoping, yeah.

JK: Sorry.

JK: I'm not gonna let you be afraid of something trivial.

LM: I wouldn't call it trivial. If humans were meant to fly, we'd have been born with wings. And we weren't.

JK: Oh god, Bones

JK: That's about the dumbest logic I've ever heard.

JK: I mean really, that's so antiquated.

JK: I would expect to hear that from someone that lived 200 years ago

JK: But from a master of modern medicine?

JK: Really, Bones?

LM: I was just stating my opinion on the matter.

JK: It sounded more like an excuse to me.

LM: Hmph.

JK: You know I'm right.

JK: We're gonna get you flight ready.

JK: I promise.

LM: Okay, fine. I already told you I'd go along with this hairbrained scheme of yours.

JK: I know you did.

JK: I'm just making sure that you know.

LM: I know, I know.

JK: Good.

JK: I want you to give some thought to what I can do to help you, okay?

LM: Are you my psychiatrist all the sudden?

JK: I could be, if you want.

LM: No thanks.

JK: Awh

JK: You sure?

LM: I'm sure.

JK: Alright, well

JK: I'll talk to you later.

JK: I expect some input from you by the time I bring this subject up again!

LM: Yeah, alright.

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that the Oakland Aviation Museum doesn't have The Spirit of St. Louis or the Wright Flyer on display in real life, but this is an alternate universe and I can jiggle details around until they fit my plot, haha.
> 
> Admittedly, I don't have very detailed plot outlines for the next two chapters written up, so there might be a longer than usual wait between this chapter and the next (and then the one after that.) Maybe this is a bit unorthodox for a writer, but if there's anything you'd like to see Jim and Bones talk about in the next two chapters, feel free to let me know via private message or in the comments! I'll do my best to include them (so long as they don't interfere with the overarching plot and the plots of the chapters that I've got outlines for!) 
> 
> There might also be a short break as we move into the next chapters just for my own sake. I don't want to burn out on this and stop writing it, which is something that I've had happen the few other times I've tried to do multichaptered fics. However, I have pretty much reached the halfway point of this fic, so that's good! It's a still quite a way down from here, but there's quite a lot of good stuff coming up in future chapters. I promise.
> 
> Finally, a shoutout to tumblr user nicolashalden for the idea of Jim crossdressing! Without her wondrous text posts, that whole dialogue wouldn't exist!


	7. May 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly, many of the conversations in this chapter are all thanks to the lovely anon that's been reading and commenting on the fic! If I remember correctly, she identified herself as Lucy. Thank you very much for contributing your ideas to the story, Lucy! I hope that I've done them justice!

**01 May 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

JK: Happy first day of May!

LM: I'm not too happy over here. And I don't have a lot of time to chat.

JK: Why not?

JK: You okay?

LM: Sick. I've come down with something.

JK: Will you be okay?

JK: It's not deadly, is it?

LM: No, no. It's just the flu. It sure as hell's hitting me hard though.

JK: Should you really be on the computer if you're sick?

LM: I dunno. It's keeping my mind off of how miserable I am.

JK: Is it really?

JK: Bones?

JK: Bones you there?

JK: It's been an hour and you stopped messaging me back.

JK: I'm wounded, Bones.

JK: :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

JK: :(

JK: Booooooooooooooones

JK: Bones it's been 2 hours. You alright over there?

LM: Sorry. Fell asleep.

JK: You fell asleep?

JK: Don't you know it's rude to fall asleep when your best friend's talking to you?

LM: Well I wasn't planning on falling asleep, was I?

JK: I dunno

JK: Were you?

LM: No! My eyelids kept getting heavier and I couldn't keep them open and I just fell asleep. It wasn't intentional.

JK: Maybe you should get off the computer and actually go to sleep.

JK: Let your body fight off whatever's gotten you sick.

LM: But I wanted to talk, Jim.

JK: We can talk later, Bones.

LM: But I wanna talk now. I'm bored.

JK: How's this?

JK: I'll come over and talk to you in person.

JK: That way you can fall asleep as often as you want but I'll still be there when you get up.

JK: Sound good?

JK: Bones?

JK: ffs, did you fall asleep on me again?

JK: Alright, I'm coming over.

JK: If your door isn't unlocked I'm gonna break a window.

JK: Damn, you really must be asleep if that didn't get you typing.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**02 May 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: u ok bones?

LM: I'm just tired and achey.

JK: im sorry. anything i can do?

LM: Jim, I just heard a phone go off downstairs. I think someone's broken in. Call the cops.

JK: nonono bones thats me

LM: That's you?

JK: its me

LM: Why the hell are you in my house?

JK: i stayed the night to make sure u were ok

LM: So you're right downstairs?

JK: right downstairs.

JK: let me know if u need anything

LM: You're right downstairs and you couldn't come up here to check on me?

JK: i didnt want to wake you

JK: texts are inconspicuous

JK: vampire best friends in the bedroom are not

LM: I guess that makes sense. 

JK: of course it does bones

JK: ive got a lot of common sense

JK: but thats not the point

JK: do you need anything?

LM: Yeah. I need a lot of things.

JK: ok

JK: tell me what u need and ill get it 4 u

LM: Food, more blankets, a book to read, tissues, and my computer.

JK: i might have to make a few trips to get it all up 2 u

JK: what do u want 2 eat?

JK: im quite the skilled cook

JK: u name smth and i can make it

LM: Chicken soup. There's a can of it in the cupboard.

JK: no.

LM: No?

JK: im not making you canned soup

LM: Why not? Jim, I want soup. I /need/ soup.

JK: youll get soup

JK: but im not feeding you that canned crap

JK: it tastes like ass

LM: So what type of soup are you gonna feed me?

JK: homemade soup.

JK: i have a recipe.

LM: You're gonna make me soup? From scratch?

JK: of course. thats what friends do

LM: Trust me, most friends don't do this.

JK: really? they must not be good friends then

JK: i wanna take care of the ppl i care about

JK: and i care about u

JK: so ur getting soup.

LM: Can you bring me the other stuff before you start making soup?

JK: yeah no problem.

LM: Thanks. I feel like an icicle up here.

JK: u want me 2 turn the heat up?

LM: No. No. No. Don't touch it.

JK: y?

LM: I'll start burning up in no time.

JK: ok

LM: Just bring me blankets. Now, please.

JK: will do, bonesy.

LM: Thanks. Might be asleep again by the time you get up here.

JK: thats no problem. ill put blankets on u and come back downstairs.

JK: u just sleep and get better

JK: ill be here if u need me!

JK: and ill wake u up when the soups ready

LM: OK.

* * *

**03 May 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: Jim, you still here?

JK: no. no, im not there

LM: Why? You could've stayed today too.

JK: i woke up and realized there was something i needed to do

JK: so i had to leave.

JK: sorry.

LM: Is that so?

JK: yeah

LM: So you're not weirded out about yesterday?

JK: no. why should i be?

LM: Well, for starters you got into my bed and I latched onto you like some sort of cuddle monster.

JK: so?

LM: There's also the fact that I told you that I loved you.

JK: oh yeah.

JK: no, its fine.

JK: you were delirious, bones.

JK: you probably thought I was jocelyn or something

LM: Yeah, maybe. Sorry for falling asleep on you like that.

JK: as long as i don't get sick, i really don't mind.

LM: Can vampires get sick?

JK: its rare but not impossible.

LM: I apologize in advance if you get stuck with this. It ain't pleasant.

JK: its okay. ill still be ur best friend even if u get me sick

LM: Good. I was /so/ afraid you'd never talk to me again if I got you sick.

JK: ha

JK: how do u feel 2day?

LM: Like death. So, y'know, no change.

JK: sorry 2 hear that buddy

LM: Could you come over again? I'm still not fit to leave the bed.

JK: i cant. sorry

LM: Why?

JK: i just cant. im not home.

LM: Oh. Okay. That's fine. I'll manage on my own.

JK: i hope you get better soon tho

LM: Yeah. I'll try.

JK: youre a doctor. i kno youll bounce back

LM: I'm gonna go back to sleep now. If you get home and wanna come over, you can.

JK: probably wont.

JK: but thanks for the offer.

LM: And you're sure that you're not weirded out over yesterday?

JK: im sure bones.

LM: Somehow I don't believe that, but I'm not gonna argue. Goodnight.

JK: its only half past one in the afternoon.

LM: I don't care, I'm going to sleep, aren't I?

JK: yeah. guess so. goodnight.

* * *

**07 May 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

JK: Feeling any better?

LM: Yeah. I just got off work.

JK: You're already back at work?

LM: Yeah. I went back on Sunday. I was feeling up to it.

JK: Were you really?

JK: Or were you just pushing yourself?

LM: Either way, I got back to work, didn't I?

JK: But at what cost?

JK: What if your immune system didn't fully recooperate?

JK: You could get sick off of something from the hospital.

JK: Bones, what if you get Ebola?

LM: Do you realize just how  _absolutely rare_ Ebola is in the United States?

JK: Really rare?

LM: Really rare. There hasn't been a single human being on record that's gotten sick from Ebola in the United States. 

JK: So you're not gonna catch Ebola at the hospital?

LM: No, Jim. I'm not gonna catch anything at the hospital. I'm fine.

JK: I just think it's a little bit early for you to be back at work.

LM: I'm not gonna argue with you over this.

JK: Fine, fine.

JK: How was work, anyway?

JK: I would've come to eat lunch with you if I'd known that you were working.

LM: It's fine. We have a new nurse on staff.

JK: Oh?

JK: Is she nice?

LM: I guess. I haven't spent much time around her. All I know is that her name is Christine Chapel and she's from Canada. How she wound up here, I just don't know. She seems polite, competent.

JK: When do I get to meet her?

LM: You don't.

JK: Why not??

LM: Because I don't need you humping her leg.

JK: Vampires don't "hump legs", Bones.

LM: That so?

JK: It is.

LM: Still, I don't need you scaring her off.

JK: How would I scare her off?

LM: I dunno, you just would.

JK: Would not!!

JK: >:(

LM: Okay, Jim.

JK: Are you conceding that I'm right or are you just giving up?

LM: Giving up.

JK: That's unlike you.

LM: I'm tired. I don't have the energy for our usual back and forth banter.

JK: Go to bed, Bones.

JK: You're probably still tired from being sick and it didn't help that you just busted your ass for 48 hours straight at a thankless job.

LM: Fine, fine. I'm going. Goodnight, Jim.

JK: Night, Bones!

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**09 May 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Kirk.

JK: Bones.

LM: I wanted to let you know that I'm going out of town in a few days. So don't get worried if you look over at my house and all the lights are off.

JK: Where are you going?

JK: Can I come too?

LM: Georgia, for Mother's Day.

JK: Can I come too?

LM: I'm actually driving out there in my beat up Volvo, so I'm actually leaving tonight.

JK: Tonight?

JK: How long does it take to drive from here to Georgia?

JK: Can I come with you?

LM: It's about 36 hours non-stop. But I can't drive that long, so it'll probably be about 2 days one way. I'm not sure.

JK: Bones, are you intentionally ignoring my question?

LM: What question?

JK: Don't do that.

JK: You know exactly which question I mean.

JK: I've asked three times if I could come with you and you won't answer.

JK: So let me ask it again.

JK: Bones, can I come with you to Georgia?

JK: I really want to.

JK: You're always telling me to get out more

JK: So here's me, trying to get out.

JK: Can

JK: I

JK: Come

JK: With

JK: You

JK: To

JK: Georgia?

LM: No, Jim. You can't come with me. I'm sorry.

JK: Why not?

JK: You let me come with you at Christmas!

LM: Would you believe me if I said that I needed some alone time?

JK: I guess?

JK: I dunno.

JK: If you say that you need alone time, who am I to say whether that's true or not?

JK: I'll be here when you get back, of course.

JK: So you go.

JK: Go to Georgia, Bones.

JK: Have a great trip.

LM: Thanks. I'll try to text you while I'm gone. Can't have you getting too bored.

JK: Why's that?

LM: I have this feeling that you do stupid things when you're bored.

JK: I do not!

JK: I've never done a stupid thing in my life, Bones.

LM: Yeah. Somehow I'm disinclined to believe that.

JK: Ugh D:<

JK: Just go on your dumb trip, you big meanie.

LM: Will do. I need to head out anyway.

JK: See you when you get back?

LM: See you when I get back.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline_ -

* * *

**12 May 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_ **  
**

JK: bones!

LM: Jim!

JK: where r u?

LM: I'll give you one guess.

JK: san diego?

LM: OK, two guesses. I'm a little bit farther away than that.

JK: toronto?

LM: Are you being serious? That's almost 1000 miles north of where I'm at.

JK: ooh, so ur down south?

LM: Yeah, Jim. I'm "down South."

JK: is ur mom alright?

LM: Yep. She's doing just fine.

JK: will u tell her i said hi?

LM: She says hi back.

JK: tell her i said that shes the coolest mom ever

LM: "Thank you, Jim. That's real sweet of you to say. When are you gonna come see me again?"

JK: uh idk. whenever you take me back out there, bones.

LM: "Well you get Leonard to bring you out here some time over the summer, alright?"

JK: will do, mrs mccoy.

JK: you hear that, bones?

JK: you have to take me to georgia this summer.

LM: Yeah, we'll see about that.

JK: i really cant tell if thats sarcasm or not.

JK: will u rlly see about taking me 2 georgia over the summer?

LM: I don't see why not. I could take time off work, I suppose.

JK: ooh ooh

JK: can we go for independence day?

LM: Why?

JK: i wanna watch the fireworks with you and your family.

JK: itd be fun.

LM: I can't make any promises, but we can try.

JK: hooray!

LM: Listen, do you mind if I put my phone away? I wanna spend some time with my mom.

JK: no no, thats fine.

JK: ill talk 2 u l8r!

LM: Alright. Bye, Jim.

* * *

**14 May 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

JK: Bones!

JK: Bones, you're home!

LM: Sure am. Did you miss me?

JK: Did I miss you?

JK: Nyota and I just about went crazy with boredom.

JK: We were also pretty worried because we didn't get any updates from you.

JK: You said you were gonna text me with updates and you never ever did.

LM: It's hard to text and drive cross country at the same time, I found out.

JK: Hard, but not impossible!

LM: Illegal, and therefore impossible.

JK: Awh, c'mon

JK: You won't break a few laws for me?

JK: Not even to talk to me?

LM: No. I'm not gonna break laws to text you while I'm driving.

JK: Why not?

LM: Do I need to give you the "texting and driving is dangerous" speech?

JK: No, Doctor McCoy.

LM: That's what I thought. I already hate cars, I'm not gonna make them even more dangerous by doing something dumb as hell while I'm trying to get home.

JK: I get it, Bones.

JK: I promise, I get it.

JK: You sound like one of those public service announcements.

JK: "don't text and drive!" "click it or ticket" "booze it and lose it" "stay out of the no-zones" et cetera

JK: You should really go work for the government.

JK: You can make their public service announcements even more boring.

JK: I mean it, Bones.

JK: You're about to put me to sleep.

JK: Can we talk about something else?

JK: Or are you going to lecture me on the dangers of diving deeper than 282 feet?

LM: If you keep calling me boring I'm gonna put you 6 feet under, Jim. I'm a doctor, not Ben Stein!

JK: You don't mean that.

JK: You couldn't hurt a hair on my head.

JK: Besides, what happened to the Hippocratic Oath?

JK: "Do no harm?"

LM: Jim, I'm ready and willing to break that oath when it comes to you.

JK: No you're nooooooot.

JK: :) :) :)

JK: I'm your best friend, you wouldn't hurt me.

LM: Can you say that with absolute certainty?

JK: Yep!

LM: Ugh.

JK: I'm gonna sleep now.

JK: Your droning on and on made me tired.

LM: Go to sleep, asshole.

JK: <3 <3 <3

JK: You love me and you know it.

LM: The platonic love that I've got for you is wearing thin.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**15 May 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Bones, can I ask you a question?

LM: You just did.

JK: >:(

JK: You know what I meant!

LM: Yeah, sure. What's the question?

JK: What's it like to fall in love?

JK: I mean, what's it feel like?

JK: How do you know that you're in love with someone?

LM: You're 268 years old. Shouldn't you know the answer to that better than I do?

JK: I should, but I don't.

JK: I uh, I've

JK: I've never actually been in love, Bones.

JK: I don't know if it's a vampire thing

JK: like maybe we just can't fall in love

JK: or maybe I just haven't found the right person

JK: But I don't know what it feels like

JK: I don't have the slightest clue.

LM: You've never been in love? Not even puppy love?

JK: Well, not before recently. I think that I might be falling for someone.

JK: But I'm not sure.

LM: You're falling for your flight instructor, aren't you?

JK: Spock?

JK: No! No no no no no!

JK: He's too "logical."

JK: I can't stand the man in class, much less in a romantic sense.

LM: So who is it?

JK: It's nobody, Bones.

JK: Are you gonna answer my question or not?

LM: I can try. I can't promise that it'll be the best answer ever.

JK: Try. Just try to answer it as best you can.

JK: This is important.

LM: Well, it seems to me that the best love, the only type of love I've ever had is the one that's rooted in friendship. 

LM: You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before.

LM: Like a switch has been flipped somewhere.

LM: And the person that was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

LM: You know that you can trust that person. You can tell them anything and know that whatever you've said is safe with them.

LM: You feel warm. Everything about them makes you feel warm, even just the thought of them. You think about the person or maybe even just get a text message from them and you can't help but smile or laugh.

LM: It's strange. You start to feel like you can't live without them. You can't wait to talk to them again, or you can't wait to touch them, or even just see them for a fleeting moment. And you get butterflies in your stomach. Just the sheer thought of the person that you love makes you feel like you're floating on air, like nothing can hurt you. 

LM: Everything changes when you're in love, Jim. It's scary, it's fucking terrifying, but it feels right. Especially if you've never been in love before.

LM: Does that help? I can't say it's the best explanation, but it's all I've got.

JK: Yeah, that helps.

JK: That helps a lot, Bones.

JK: It was a good explanation.

JK: Maybe even the best explanation.

JK: Better than anything I've read or heard before.

JK: Thanks.

LM: It's no problem. It's not my place to ask, but are you in love? Do you feel those things about this person?

JK: Yeah.

JK: Bones, I'm head over fucking heels for this person.

JK: Everything you just said is everything I feel.

LM: Good luck. I hope it works out for you.

JK: I don't think it will, but I appreciate the sentiment.

LM: Why don't you think it'll work out? I'm not the most optimistic guy, I'm the first to admit, but you've gotta have faith in situations like these. Things work out sometimes.

JK: I just think that the person I love has too much going on in their life to love me back. I don't think they're ready to get involved with someone like me.

LM: Someone like you?

JK: A vampire, Bones.

JK: A vampire.

JK: What else?

JK: That's the only negative thing about me.

JK: I'm a hot piece of ass, I've got a great personality, and I'm a fucking sex god

JK: ;)

JK: But I'm a vampire.

JK: I'm immortal and I suck the blood of other people.

JK: I don't think most people are into that sort of thing.

LM: Maybe not. Maybe this person is. You've got to have faith.

JK: It's a little bit hard to have faith in anything when you're a vampire.

JK: Doomed to live forever, to watch all the people you've met grow old and die.

JK: That sort of takes away a person's faith.

LM: And you think I'm all doom and gloom?

JK: You are all doom and gloom!

JK: You're doomy and gloomy all the time.

JK: I'm only doomy and gloomy sometimes.

LM: Regardless. I've got hope that it'll work out with this person that you love.

JK: You do?

LM: I do. And I don't have hope in a lot of things, so you should feel honoured.

JK: Heh.

JK: I feel honoured that you've got hope regarding my love life.

LM: Good. You got any other big existential questions?

JK: Nope.

JK: Not right now, at least.

JK: I might have existential questions later. 

JK: Right now, I've got some thinking to do.

JK: Mind if I talk to you later?

LM: Nah, that's fine. Go on.

JK: Thanks.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**18 May 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: I've got more existential questions for you.

JK: Well

JK: Okay, I've just got one.

LM: Go on, hit me with it.

JK: How'd you fall in love?

LM: Oh, that's a question. I'm not sure I can give you a good answer.

JK: You said that last time and gave me one of the best answers I'd ever heard.

JK: I've got faith in this answer too.

JK: So go on, Bones.

JK: How'd you fall in love?

LM: Well, it was a lot like I described the other day.

LM: I met a person. At first I really didn't care for them at all. They were just an annoyance, someone that wouldn't get off my heels. I didn't know what to think.

LM: After awhile we wound up becoming friends. They wormed their way into my life, stopped getting under my skin so bad. I just saw us as friends, nothing more. 

LM: And then one day I woke up and said "I think I'm in love." Something changed. I didn't just see them as a friend any more. It was something more, it was love. And everything was different after that. I couldn't just look at them and see the person that I'd befriended. All I could see was this person that I loved more than anything or anyone. I wanted to touch them and talk to them and be around them constantly. My entire life began to revolve around that person, although it'd honestly been revolving around them from the start. I got butterflies. Every time I saw them or spoke to them my heart felt like it was gonna leap out of my chest.

LM: I dunno.

LM: That's my answer.

JK: How come you kept saying "they"?

JK: Were we talking about Jocelyn or someone else?

JK: Bones, have you been in love with someone else?

LM: What? No.

JK: Really?

LM: I'm just trying to detach myself from what happened. If I refer to Jocelyn as a they, it takes away some of the negativity that I associate with what happened. I don't love anyone else, Jim.

JK: Oh, okay.

JK: Makes sense.

LM: Yeah. I don't love anyone else.

JK: Bones, do you think you'll ever love anyone again?

JK: I know what happened to you with her hurt.

JK: I can't say that I know how much it hurt, but I can kind of imagine.

JK: Do you think that turned you off of love completely or will you be able to bounce back one day?

JK: I'm not trying to be mean but I think it'd be really sad if she turned you off of love forever.

LM: She hasn't turned me off of love, Jim.

JK: You sure?

JK: How come you've not tried to get out there and find someone?

LM: I don't wanna go out there and find someone. I want love to come to me.

JK: Yeah, love's really gonna come to you if you spend every waking moment inside your house.

LM: I don't spend every waking moment inside my house. I go to the grocery store and to work.

JK: Oh yeah, you're gonna find the right person for you inside the operating room or on the frozen foods aisle.

LM: Why are we even talking about this? I'll find love eventually, Jim. Maybe I've already found it.

JK: What's that, Bones?

JK: Maybe you've already found it?

JK: Do you love someone?

JK: It's that nurse at work, isn't it?

JK: Chapel?

JK: You love Chapel, don't you?

LM: No, Jim. I don't love Chapel.

JK: Yeah, uh-huh.

JK: You're in love with Chapel.

LM: No, Jim! I'm not in love with Chapel.

JK: Then who are you in love with.

LM: Nobody, Jim. It was just a comment. Fucking hell.

JK: Mmhmm.

JK: I'll believe that when I die.

JK: So never.

LM: Jim, I don't wanna talk about this any more.

JK: Fine, fine.

JK: We'll talk about something else.

LM: I don't want to talk any more.

JK: Why not?

LM: Because, Jim. I just don't want to.

JK: Alright, fine.

JK: Be that way.

JK: pbbbhpt.

LM: What the hell is "pbbbhpt"?

JK: It's a raspberry. Me sticking out my tongue.

LM: You're like an overgrown child, you know that?

JK: I've heard that before.

JK: And not just from you, either.

JK: But you can call me an overgrown child as much as you want, it won't change anything.

JK: I'm the eternal 26 year old.

JK: I can be as immature as I want.

LM: Can you feel me rolling my eyes?

JK: Sure can!

LM: I'm getting offline now.

JK: Fine, fine.

LM: Bye.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**21 May 2013**

_- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-__

JK: the x files

LM: What about it?

JK: I wanna watch it.

LM: Now?

JK: yeah now. why else would i text you about watching it?

LM: Jim, do you understand what time it is?

JK: 02:15.

LM: Yeah. 02:15 in the morning. It is dark outside. It's the middle of the fucking night.

JK: so?

LM: So, don't you think that your timing is just a little bit off?

JK: no. not really. the middle of the night is a great time to watch the x files

LM: Are you sure about that?

JK: yeah, why?

LM: Because it was the middle of the day last time we watched The X-Files and you cried at the theme song.

JK: the face in the credits scared me.

LM: That face doesn't go away, Jim. It is in every title sequence from episode 1 to episode 202.

JK: but it scares me

LM: But it's not going away. And I don't want you crying on my couch at 02:30 in the morning.

JK: wut if i cover my eyes?

LM: You'll peek through your fingers and still wind up crying.

JK: will not.

LM: Will too. You've tried that 10 different times and still wound up crying.

JK: wut if you put a pillow up to my face during the opening theme?

LM: Jim, if you can't even get past the theme song without crying, I'm inclined to believe that the rest of the show's gonna scare you. Especially the episode we're coming up on.

JK: wut episode is it?

LM: Season 4, Episode 2.

JK: wuts scary about it

LM: I'm not gonna tell you the plot. I will say that it was the first ever X-Files episode to get a viewer discretion warning because it was graphic as hell.

JK: i can handle it!

JK: ur only making me want to watch it more

JK: i wanna watch it now

JK: right now.

JK: please?

LM: If you start crying, I'm gonna take you home. You got that?

JK: im not gonna cry, bones.

LM: I'm putting a pillow over your face during the opening credits.

JK: thats fine. does this mean were gonna watch it?

LM: Yes, Jim. We're gonna watch The X-Files. Although why it couldn't wait until morning, I'll never know.

JK: i got bored and i dont have the dvds and i wanted to watch it now. thats why it couldnt wait until morning.

JK: now u kno :)

LM: Are you coming over or not, Jim?

JK: ye ill be right there

LM: The front door's unlocked.

JK: k!

* * *

**25 May 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones, why is your house so yellow?

JK: It's like a school bus.

JK: Or a canary.

JK: Or a buttercup.

JK: Maybe just butter.

JK: It's yellow and you don't seem like a yellow kind of guy.

LM: The house was yellow when I got here.

JK: Yeah, and you got here a long time ago.

JK: Why's your house still yellow?

JK: Do you like yellow?

LM: Fuck no. I hate it, Jim.

JK: You hate it?

LM: I fucking hate it. It's too goddamn bright and cheery. Everytime I pull up in the driveway I wind up scowling.

JK: Why don't you do something about it?

LM: Do I look like I got the time to repaint a house?

JK: I dunno, do you?

LM: No. Between 48 hour shifts at work and trying to not fall apart, there's no time to repaint a house.

JK: What colour would you repaint it if you had the time?

LM: I don't know, Jim! I've never given it any thought. Something that's a darker colour, I suppose.

JK: How dark?

LM: Again, I don't know. As long as my house wasn't yellow, I wouldn't care.

JK: Why'd you even move into a yellow house if you hate it so much?

LM: I needed a place to stay fast, and this was the best place I could get for the little bit of money I had.

JK: That makes sense, I guess.

JK: I've never had the misfortune of being poor, so I can't really relate.

LM: You're lucky, kid. Being poor ain't fun. You get used to it after awhile, but that still don't make it fun.

JK: Are you poor?

LM: Not any more, not since I got back on my feet. But I've been poor before. I'm not a big fan. But I ain't rich, either. I guess I'm "middle class." If that even exists any more, y'know?

JK: Again, not really.

JK: But I'll take your word on it.

LM: You'll just about have to, with all the money you've got stockpiled in that fortress of yours.

JK: Fortress? I thought it was a crypt.

LM: Your house might be growing on me. I've had to look at it almost every day. The human mind has the strange ability to dull the pain of something atrocious. Hell, we can even make ourselves love something we hate.

JK: So you've got Stockholm syndrome for my house?

LM: That's not it, Stockholm syndrome has to do with capture-bonding. As far as I'm aware, I've not been captured by your house. I'm just saying that I can bear to look at your fortress nowadays.

JK: As long as you're not gonna call it a crypt any more, I don't really care how you feel about my house.

LM: I'm not.

JK: Good.

JK: I'm defensive of my home.

JK: It's a nice place, whether or not you agree with its architectural qualities.

LM: Listen, I'd love to sit here and talk about your house, but I need to get ready for work.

JK: How long are you working for?

LM: Same as usual, Jim. 48 hours. You know that. You've known it for ages.

JK: I forgot.

JK: So sue me.

LM: I can't afford to sue you, even now. Bye, Jim.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**28 May 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: Funny story, Jim.

JK: huh?

LM: I'm here in my driveway, still in my car, although I think I might be at the wrong house.

JK: wut u mean?

LM: Well, my house is "school bus yellow" but this house is dark grey.

JK: yeah maybe u pulled into the wrong driveway

LM: Funny thing is, the address is the same! 17017 Galileo Avenue. How could that be?

JK: dunno. house painting faerie?

LM: No, see, I think you had something to do with it.

JK: me? jim kirk?

LM: Yeah, I think you painted my house.

JK: im not a house painter.

LM: So maybe you got someone to paint my house.

JK: maybe.

LM: Why?

JK: u said u hated the colour of your house

JK: and i fixed it

LM: I appreciate it. No longer will I grimace at my house in disgust. How'd you do it, though?

JK: hired some guys.

JK: took em a full day but they got it done.

JK: cost me a lot of $$$

JK: but it was worth it.

LM: You're a damn trip, you know that?

JK: so ive heard.

LM: I'm gonna go inside and hit the hay now. It's been a long shift.

JK: goodnight bonesy.

LM: Night, Kirk.

* * *

**29 May 2013**

- _Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: do aliens exist?

LM: I don't know.

JK: do u think aliens exist?

LM: I don't see why they couldn't.

JK: what do u think they look like?

LM: [Avian/dinosaur hybrids.](http://static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110131183323/masseffect/images/e/ed/Garrus_archangel.png)

JK: u dont think theyre little green men?

LM: No, that's so overdone.

JK: why do u think theyre bird dinosaur things?

LM: I dunno why, I always have. Do you believe in aliens?

JK: r u really asking that? im a vampire, bones. i believe in just about everything.

LM: Fair point. Do you think you'll live to see aliens?

JK: of course. i think well see aliens in the next 100 years. and theyll be friendly.

JK: they arent gonna try to destroy us.

JK: ok well maybe some of them will try to destroy us

JK: but the ones we meet first will be real chill

LM: And if they're not "real chill"?

JK: then well all get destroyed, duh.

LM: Good thing I won't be around to see that.

JK: bonesy, u dont wanna see humanity get destroyed by aliens?

LM: Nope. I get enough death and destruction in the ER. I'd rather not see the whole planet go.

JK: but wouldnt it still be neat? at least wed die knowing that aliens were real

LM: I'd rather keep my life and be unsure if aliens exist rather than go to my grave knowing that an alien has a plasma gun aimed at my head.

JK: ok i guess i can get behind that

JK: i still wanna see real aliens tho

JK: what if the dinosaurs were aliens

JK: what if they came from some other world

JK: they werent very good colonists though omfg

JK: they got blown up lol

LM: I'm not sure that really reflects on their skills as "colonists."

JK: what, u dont believe the dinosaurs were colonists?

LM: Not at all.

JK: y not?

JK: u believe that aliens look like bird dinosaur things

JK: but dinosaurs cant be colonists?

JK: to quote my flight instructor, "that is illogical."

LM: Dinosaurs aren't colonists and I'll prove it.

JK: how?

LM: Meet me by my car in 10 minutes.

JK: omg r we going sumwhere?

LM: The natural science centre, Jim.

JK: y?

LM: So we can talk to dinosaur experts.

JK: theyre just gonna spit out the company line.

JK: "dinosaurs arent colonists how dare you even think that"

LM: Even so, they're gonna prove to you that dinosaurs were born and bred on Earth. Nowhere else.

JK: fine. can we get food on the way home? im hungry.

LM: I'm not taking you to a museum if you're hungry. We'll eat on the way there.

JK: i want chicken fingers.

LM: You'll get chicken fingers.

JK: yaaaaaaaaaaay!

LM: Go get ready. If you're not by the car in 10 minutes we're not going anywhere.

JK: okok im going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter overall. I feel like I might be losing my "voice" for both Jim and Bones, but that might be due in part to all the hidden emotions behind their words this chapter. They're both a couple of idiots that won't come right out and say when something upsets them or when there's more on their mind, and that's pretty hard to write without being able to add in facial cues and intonation.


	8. June 2013

 

**01 June 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: What do you think about trains?

LM: They're outmoded.

JK: Outmoded?

JK: Bones.

JK: You think trains are "outmoded"?

LM: Yeah. Doesn't seem to be much of a use for them anymore.

JK: Oh yeah, there's definitely not a use for trains any more.

JK: It's not like they transport stuff across the country.

JK: And it's definitely not like it's a fun travel method or anything.

JK: Oh yeah.

JK: Trains are  _so_ outmoded.

LM: Sorry. Cars and trucks just seem more convenient at this point. And planes, as much as I hate them, are convenient in cargo transport. You ever had a train get things across the ocean?

JK: You disgust me.

JK: Trains are way better than cars and trucks and planes.

JK: Absolutely disgusting.

JK: I can't even talk to you right now.

JK: Take your bias towards motor vehicles and leave.

JK: No, even better. I'll leave.

JK: -dramatically exits-

LM: Did you really just type out "-dramatically exits-"?

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**05 June 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: Still mad about my "bias towards motor vehicles"?

JK: Nah, I'm over it.

JK: Although trains are still better.

LM: Uh huh. Anyway, seeing as I now know about your interest in trains, I wound up renting a train movie.

JK: A train movie?

JK: What kind of train movie?

LM: It's about a runaway train. It's got this guy that looks kinda like you on the [front cover](http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51Snv1LPEtL.jpg). 

JK: He looks kind of like me?

LM: Kind of. He's a bit more angry looking than you are.

JK: Have you seen it yet?

LM: Nah, just got home with it a couple hours ago.

JK: Can I watch it with you?

LM: Sure, if you want.

JK: I bet it's unrealistic.

JK: Hollywood has never once made a realistic movie.

JK: If I see any flaws, I'm gonna point them out.

LM: You do that.

JK: I will!

JK: I'm serious about trains, Bones.

LM: Alright. Front door's unlocked. And for once d'you think you could lock it behind you when you come in? Anyone could just wander in off the street while we're watching a movie.

JK: You might have to remind me when I come in.

JK: It's very likely that I'll forget on the walk across the street.

LM: You're insufferable.

JK: Hmm, where have I heard that before?

JK: Oh right!

JK: I hear it from you!

JK: At least once a month!

LM: And I'll never stop repeating it to you. Now get your ass off the computer and get over here.

JK: Sir, yes, sir!

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**08 June 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: bones

LM: I'm at work. Can this wait?

JK: no bones. im at the hospital.

JK: your hospital.

LM: Something tells me that you're not here with lunch, am I correct?

JK: im here as a patient.

JK: but i dont want any other doctor to treat me besides you.

LM: Why are you here?

JK: i got too close to the sun

LM: So you got burnt?

JK: yeah. and i want you to treat me. i dont know how to explain these burns to anyone else.

LM: Jim, I can't just push my other patients onto someone else to take care of you.

JK: bones please. i dont want them finding out.

LM: What makes you think they're gonna find out?

JK: i dont know but hospitals scare me.

JK: i mean it. they terrify me.

JK: more than anything else in the world, bones.

JK: please.

JK: will you please be my attending physician?

LM: What floor are you on?

JK: 3rd floor burn centre.

LM: Jim, they only put people with severe burns on the third floor.

JK: maybe that tells you just how fucking burnt i am, bones.

LM: Jesus Christ, kid. I'll be down there as soon as I can.

JK: promise?

LM: I promise. If anyone else tries to treat you, tell them to get in contact with me. I'll have my pager on.

JK: alright.

* * *

**10 June 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

LM: How goes the healing?

JK: Fine. I'm just glad to be back home.

JK: I can't believe you discharged me so quickly.

LM: What the hell else was I supposed to do? By the time yesterday morning rolled around you just looked pink. It was like you'd just stayed in hot water for too long, nothing that would've required you to be in the burn centre. By all rights, you should still be in the hospital. Hell, you shouldn't have been discharged for weeks, maybe months.

JK: What can I say?

JK: Vampires heal up fast!

JK: It's one of the true perks of vampirism.

LM: Oh yeah, you can go out and get yourself damn near killed and then be perfectly fine a day later.

JK: Exactly!

LM: Do you think you could act a little less repentant?

JK: What's to repent?

JK: I got hurt but I'm better now!

JK: Besides, it was an accident.

JK: I got excited and forgot to prepare properly.

JK: It could've been worse, Bones.

LM: Of course it could've been worse! You could've died!

JK: But I didn't!

JK: I'm alright.

JK: A little pink, but fine otherwise.

LM: You don't get it, do you?

JK: Get what?

JK: Why the hell are you freaking out about this?

JK: I got hurt but I'm better.

JK: Thanks to you, Bones.

LM: Thanks to me? It's your damn vampire healing genes that you should be thanking. I didn't do anything. Hell, with the way you were burned, there wasn't anything I  _could_ do.

JK: Bones?

LM: Jim, you were covered in third degree burns and you're trying to pass it off as nothing.

JK: Because it was nothing!

JK: I'm better, aren't I?

LM: You might be better now, but I didn't think you'd be getting better when I was looking down at you on that table. And honestly, I haven't got a damn clue how you were able to hold a phone or even send a text message without damn near falling apart.

JK: Vampire healing abilities?

JK: That and I've got a high tolerance for pain.

JK: Things that should hurt other people don't do much to me.

JK: I didn't even feel that bad, Bones.

JK: It was just like I'd stubbed my toe or something.

JK: I promise you that it was no big deal. I knew I'd be fine and I was right.

JK: I'm fine.

LM: I don't think you'd have been fine if you'd stayed out in the sun much longer, am I right?

JK: Well, yeah.

JK: Another minute or so and I'd have been dust.

JK: But I managed to get back inside.

JK: I also managed to get to the hospital without dying.

LM: Listen, I need to go. 

JK: Bones, c'mon.

JK: Bones, can we talk about this like rational people?

LM: I'm tired of being the rational one, Jim. Once, just once, I'd like to abandon rationality and be completely irrational. So here's me, doing just that.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**14 June 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: bones where the hell are you?

JK: its been 4 days

JK: u havent said a single word 2 me

JK: you also havent answered your door or your phone or anything

JK: r u alive?

LM: Extra long shifts at the hospital, sorry. Can't talk now.

JK: will u talk 2 me l8r?

LM: I'll try to.

JK: youll try 2?

LM: I'll try to. Going into the OR, bye.

JK: ok..

JK: bye.

JK: good luck w/ ur surgery.

 

* * *

**16 June 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: bones youve not been home in six days.

JK: there are literally cobwebs forming around your house

JK: you cant tell me that youve been working for six days straight

LM: I haven't been. I've taken breaks to eat and sleep.

JK: y arent u eating and sleeping at home?

LM: The hospital has a fine on-call room. It's got bunk beds, showers, a laundry service and we've got a full service cafeteria in the basement. I'm surviving.

JK: i miss u

JK: i want to see you.

JK: im fully healed by now, did u kno that?

LM: I figured that you probably looked spotless by now. Listen, I need to go. I've got rounds to cover. Patients to take care of. That sort of thing, you know?

JK: when r u coming home, bones?

LM: I'm not sure. It could be awhile. A few more days. Maybe never.

JK: never?

JK: bones are you kidding?

JK: when are you gonna come home?

LM: Like I said, I'm fine here.

JK: bones why wont you come home?

LM: It saves me time to live and work at the same place. If there's an emergency, I don't have to travel cross town. I can be to a patient's room in minutes.

JK: yeah so?

LM: So? Minutes could be the difference in someone dying and someone living.

JK: oh.

LM: Yeah. Oh. I need to go. 

JK: come home soon?

JK: please?

LM: Bye.

* * *

**19 June 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: bones rlly?

LM: What?

JK: i came to see u 2day

LM: Huh, really?

JK: dont do that, dont act like you don't know.

LM: Know what?

JK: they paged you, told you i was there. you told them that you "werent accepting visitors"

JK: is that just doctor talk for u dont want to see me?

JK: i can take a hint, bones

JK: if u dont want to be my friend anymore u couldve just said so

JK: theres no need to jerk around with my feelings like this

JK: just bc im not human doesnt mean that i dont feel or that i dont care

JK: you were the closest friend i had and now you want fuck all to do w/ me

JK: you cant even man up and say it either

JK: you have 2 hide behind lame ass excuses about surgery and working and

JK: its all bullshit, bones

JK: u dont wanna be my friend? thats fine. fuck u.

LM: That's not it, Jim.

JK: oh yeah? then what is it?

LM: It's -- I can't explain right now.

JK: y not? lemme guess. surgery, right?

LM: No, I can't fit it into text messages.

JK: oh yeah im sure.

LM: Jim, I promise I'm not lying. I'll tell you as soon as I get the chance.

JK: bye bones.

* * *

 

**21 June 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: I'm finally home.

JK: Not by your own volition, I take it.

JK: What, did the hospital staff get irritated with you?

JK: I bet they told you to go home.

JK: After all, hospitals are places of hope and healing.

JK: They don't need someone with your bitter attitude mucking it all up.

LM: Still mad, huh?

JK: Still mad?

JK: You're really going to ask me if I'm "still mad?"

JK: Of course I'm still mad, Bones!

JK: You've spent the last 17 days treating me like shit.

JK: So yeah, I'm still fucking mad. And maybe just a little bit hurt, too.

LM: I guess that figures. Can I at least explain?

JK: Oh yeaaaaaaaah, explain away.

JK: I'm sure that'll magically fix everything.

LM: I didn't know how to deal, Jim.

JK: Deal with what?

JK: Your own, potentially subconscious, desire to emotionally destroy everyone you've ever met?

JK: Is that what you couldn't deal with?

LM: Take a minute and think. When did this all start?

JK: After I got burnt.

LM: Bingo.

JK: It might be bingo to you, but I'm not seeing anything.

JK: Nothing's automatically clear.

JK: If you think I'm gonna forgive you because you said 11 words, you've got another thing coming.

LM: Jim, you were near death. Or at least, you were near death on any human scale of injury. Hell, you practically said so yourself.

LM: Here, I just scrolled through our chat history.

LM: "Jim Kirk [10 June 2013 22:39:54] Another minute or so and I'd have been dust."

LM: Right there, that's it.

LM: Another minute or so and you'd have been dead. Jim, I almost lost my best friend. Hell, you're more than my best friend at this point. You're the most important person I've got in my whole damn life.

JK: If that was really true, you wouldn't have spent the better part of a month treating me like last month's garbage.

LM: Jim. Imagine how you'd feel if you were in my place. Let's say that I was on the verge of dying. How would that make you feel?

JK: Terrified.

LM: And why's that?

JK: Because you're my best friend.

JK: I don't want to lose you.

JK: Even if you treat me like shit, I don't want to lose you.

LM: Exactly. You don't want to lose me. So imagine if I looked like I was on the verge of death and then I miraculously bounced back. Not only that, but imagine that I tried to pass it off like it was nothing. "Oh, it's okay. I'm alive now, aren't I?" How would  _that_ make you feel.

JK: But it wasn't nothing, Bones.

JK: You would've almost died.

JK: That's a big thing.

LM: Are you catching on now? I almost lost you and I freaked out. And when I freak out, I get mad. It's a coping mechanism. Not the best one, but it is what it is.

JK: So instead of telling me how you felt in better terms, you just got mad.

JK: And when you got mad, you refused to have shit to do with me.

LM: Do I look like I know how to handle talking about feelings? Hell, telling you all this was a feat.

JK: You need to work on that.

LM: I fucking know that I do!

JK: I'm sorry that I scared you, I really am.

JK: I can't promise that I won't get hurt again.

JK: But I can promise that I won't try to pass it off as just nothing.

JK: Okay?

LM: That's all I ever wanted. 

JK: Really?

LM: Well...not really. I also want you to never get hurt again, but you just said that you can't promise that. One out of two ain't bad.

JK: Ha, guess not.

LM: And since you've done the honour of promising not to pass off your getting hurt as nothing, I promise to express my feelings and worries in more socially acceptable ways. And I won't treat you like shit. Okay?

JK: Okay.

JK: Maybe this is too much too soon, seeing as this is the first real conversation you've had with me in aeons

JK: But do you want to come over for dinner?

JK: Right now?

JK: I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches.

LM: Somehow I'm not even surprised that you like grilled cheese.

JK: Is that a yes?

LM: That's a yes.

JK: Good.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**24 June 2013**

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: I know things have been tense with us lately.

LM: Tense? That's an understatement.

JK: Could you at least let me finish typing out a sentence before you interrupt me?

LM: Sorry. Sorry. Go ahead.

JK: Even though things have been tense, are we still going to Georgia for Independence Day?

JK: Your mom wants to see me and I don't want to disappoint her.

LM: Yeah, we're still going to Georgia. I already got time off and everything.

JK: How much time did you get off?

JK: And I mean exactly.

JK: How many hours, minutes, days, seconds?

LM: Jim, I couldn't give you the seconds if I tried.

JK: Alright, alright.

JK: Fine.

JK: :(

JK: How many days?

LM: Five. From the 3rd to the 8th. That doesn't mean we have to stay in Georgia that long, it's just how long I've got off.

JK: I'll base our travel plans around that.

LM: You're in charge of travel plans for this trip?

JK: Well duh.

JK: Aren't I the one who suggested this trip?

LM: I don't think so. Didn't my mom suggest it?

JK: No, no. It was definitely me.

JK: I suggested it.

JK: I think.

JK: Anyway.

JK: Since I suggested it, I get to plan it!

JK: Simple as that.

JK: That being said, I'll get back to you ASAP regarding travel plans.

LM: I hear that trains are nice this time of year.

JK: I'll take that into consideration.

LM: Will you really?

JK: Probably not.

LM: Figures.

JK: If you'll excuse me, I need to focus on getting our trip in order.

JK: TTYL, Bonesy!

LM: Yeah, whatever. Go knock yourself out.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

LM: Literally.

LM: I know you're gonna try and get me on a plane, you vampire son of a bitch.

- _Your message will be delivered the next time Jim Kirk is online-_

* * *

**30 June 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: I bought plane tickets.

LM: Plane tickets?

JK: Yeah.

JK: You know.

JK: Slips of paper that allow for admittance onto a flight?

JK: Plane tickets.

LM: Plane tickets to where?

JK: Georgia, Bones.

JK: Where else?

LM: I was hoping that we were driving to Georgia. Y'know. In a car.

JK: Nope. Flying.

JK: You're never going to get over your aviophobia if you keep avoiding airplanes.

LM: So you went ahead and bought plane tickets without consulting me?

JK: Yep.

JK: We're flying, Bones.

JK: We're going to get on a plane and you're gonna see that there's nothing to be scared of.

JK: I'll be right there beside you the whole time.

JK: Did you know that it's 261 times more dangerous to  _drive_ cross country than it is to fly cross country?

JK: If you think about it that way, I'm doing you a favour!

JK: I'm potentially prolonging your life by putting you on a plane.

LM: And you're drastically shortening yours, Jim Kirk.

JK: How so?

LM: If you try to put me on a plane, I will kill you.

JK: No you won't, Bones.

JK: You're not gonna kill me.

JK: And we're not gonna die in a plane crash, either.

JK: And don't worry, I paid for your ticket too.

JK: You don't need to pay me back for it.

LM: Jim, why can't we just drive? I don't want to get on a plane.

JK: Sorry. The tickets are non-refundable. It's too late now.

LM: You're not getting me on that plane. I'll fight you if I have to.

JK: Oh, you'll fight me?

JK: You'll fight a vampire?

JK: A vampire that's had his fair share of fights over the last 268 years?

JK: That's fine, you can try and fight me all you want.

JK: Either way, it'll all result in the same outcome.

JK: I'm getting you on that plane.

JK: If it's any consolation, I can hold your hand the whole flight.

JK: I've been thinking about hoarding tiny little alcohol bottles and giving them to you throughout the flight.

JK: But I think that you need to be sober for this.

JK: We're gonna get you through this.

JK: So are you gonna fight me on it or not?

LM: How do you feel about vomit, Jim?

JK: Hate the stuff.

JK: Makes me feel sick.

LM: Good.

JK: How is that good?

LM: When I throw up on you, I can think of it as my revenge.

JK: Revenge?

JK: Really, Bones?

JK: You wanna get revenge on your best friend who's trying to help you?

JK: That's not very nice.

LM: I'm not a nice guy.

JK: :(

JK: I'll be sure to wear something that I don't like.

LM: I'll be sure to eat a big breakfast.

JK: We're actually on an evening flight.

LM: You're kidding, right? Not only are you forcing me to fly, but you're putting me on a goddamn night flight?

JK: I thought that if you couldn't see the ground it'd help...

JK: Was I wrong?

LM: If I can't see, the pilots can't see either! They're gonna crash us into the damn ground!

JK: No they're not.

JK: These guys are trained to fly planes.

JK: Anyway, since it's clear that you're gonna be flying with me, the details are as follows:

JK: We're departing from SFIA at midnight on the 3rd.

JK: It's a 7 hour flight, so we'll be getting to Georgia...

JK: At some weird time, okay?

JK: I can't figure out time zones.

JK: So are you gonna go without a fight?

LM: I guess so. I don't really have a choice.

JK: Good!

JK: We'll get you over your aviophobia yet!

JK: I mean, I figure that the practical method is the best method.

LM: Do I have to keep talking to you?

JK: No.

JK: You don't  _have_ to.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

JK: But I figure -- okay, you're gone.

JK: Bye, Bones.

- _Your message will be delivered the next time Leonard McCoy is online-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize and apologize for the fact that this is a short and badly written chapter. Part of it comes from plain and simple writer's block and I feel like part of it comes from the fact that Bones was under some pretty heavy emotional stress this chapter. After all, Jim got himself hurt to all hell and tried to pass it off as nothing, and Bones was presented with the idea that "wow, Jim almost got himself killed and I love him and he still doesn't know that." It's no wonder that they had such short, stunted conversations for several days!
> 
> For anyone that's wondering, this is the last chapter that's going to be somewhat slow. As Jim and Bones move into July, shit starts to hit the fan. So, I hope you're all looking forward to that!
> 
> (disclaimer: Shit will hit the fan in good ways and in bad ways! There's so much to look forward to and I get giddy just looking at my plot outline notes!)


	9. July 2013

**04 July 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: Jim, where are you? You're missing the fireworks.

JK: inside.

LM: Inside where?

JK: inside under the couch

LM: You're joking, right?

JK: y would i joke about being under the couch bones?

LM: Why in God's name are you under the couch? More importantly, how the hell did you fit under there?

JK: turned into bats, flew under, and then changed back once I was under.

LM: You turned into bats at my mom's house?

JK: dont worry bonesy, nobody saw

LM: You better fucking hope nobody saw because I don't want to explain why my best friend just turned into a swarm of bats.

JK: will u come lay under the couch w/ me?

LM: Fuck no! You never did tell me why you're under there.

JK: the fireworks. they scare me. loud noises and big colour flashes. scary.

LM: Jesus Christ. You're like a goddamn puppy, you know that?

JK: a cute puppy?

LM: No, a puppy that shits on the carpet and then proceeds to eat their own shit.

JK: wtf dude what kind of dog would do that

LM: If you were a puppy, you would.

JK: thats a mean thing to say

LM: I don't care. Now get your ass out here and watch the fireworks. You were the one that wanted this trip.

JK: i dont wanna watch them. theyre scary ):

LM: I'm coming in there and I'm dragging you out from under the couch. And if it makes you feel better, I'll hold your hand like you're a little kid. You can squeeze it when you get scared.

JK: promise?

LM: I promise.

JK: ok. fine. i trust you.

LM: I'm coming in now.

JK: mkay

* * *

**06 July 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

JK: Just got done unpacking and changing shirts.

LM: Changing shirts?

JK: You honestly can't have forgotten already, Bones.

JK: It's not even been two hours.

LM: If we're talking about anything that happened on the flight, I've repressed it. I don't like flying.

JK: I get that you don't like flying, but did you have to throw up on my favourite shirt?

LM: Yeah. It was either throw up on your shirt or on the lady sitting next to me. For the sake of being polite, I decided to puke all over the person that I actually knew.

JK: Oh gee, politeness really matters on an airplane.

JK: She wasn't very polite.

JK: Did you see her face when you threw up?

LM: Did you see  _yours_?

JK: Okay, fair point.

JK: But you threw up on my favourite shirt.

JK: My

JK: favourite

JK: shirt.

JK: Do you know how rare Bon Jovi shirts are?

LM: You're kidding, right?

JK: No.

JK: I'm not kidding.

LM: Jim, you can get a Bon Jovi shirt at Target for $12. They ain't exactly rare. They have stacks of them piled up on a rack.

JK: To quote you "You're kidding, right?"

LM: Jim, I think I'd know about what clothes Target has. That's just about the only place I care to shop.

JK: I want a replacement shirt.

JK: I want you to go to Target right now and buy me a new shirt.

JK: And then we'll be even.

LM: Did you really just order me to go buy you a new shirt this very second?

JK: Yep.

LM: And do you think I'm gonna do that?

JK: I have hope.

LM: I don't respond well to orders, Jim. You wanna rephrase what you had to say?

JK: Will I get a shirt if I rephrase it?

LM: Let me put it this way. If you don't rephrase it, the chances of you getting a new shirt are exactly zero.

JK: Hmm.

JK: I see.

JK: I guess I'll try rephrasing it.

JK: Bonesy, will you please go buy me a new Bon Jovi shirt as soon as possible?

LM: Since you asked so nicely, ...

LM: Yeah, why not.

LM: Do you want to tag along? Sun's already gone down so you don't need to worry about exploding.

JK: I guess so.

JK: Does Target use fluorescent lighting?

LM: I guess? Do I look like I fucking know?

JK: I don't know.

JK: Can't see you right now.

LM: Let's just go get your damn shirt.

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**07 July 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: You're not gonna believe this, Jim.

JK: What?

JK: What won't I believe?

JK: Tell me!

LM: Christ, if you'd give me a second to type something out, I'd be able to tell you!

JK: You're right.

JK: Sorry.

JK: Go on.

JK: Tell me what happened.

LM: Jim!

JK: I'm doing it again, aren't I?

JK: I'll be quiet.

LM: Remember that I told you about that new nurse on the ward? Christine Chapel?

JK: Yeah. You told me I couldn't meet her because I was going to scare her away or try to hump her leg.

LM: That's the lady. She asked me out on a date today.

JK: She asked you on a date?

JK: Wow...Bones. That's great!

JK: That's great.

JK: Are you gonna go out with her?

LM: Yeah, I guess so. There's no harm in it.

JK: Yep, no harm in it.

JK: She'll be lucky to go on a date with someone as awesome as you.

JK: Where are you two going?

LM: We're going to an advance screening of Pacific Rim. Apparently she knows someone who got tickets. She's dying to see it. She's been talking about it to just about anyone who'll take the time to listen. I didn't take her for the type to be into monster movies, but to each their own, I suppose. We're going tomorrow night.

JK: Yeah.

JK: Neat, Bones.

JK: You two have fun.

LM: You alright? You don't seem all that enthusiastic.

JK: Shit, sorry.

JK: Headache.

JK: It just came out of nowhere.

JK: Do you mind if I go lay down?

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

LM: Yeah, go on and lay down. Be sure to take some aspirin.

_-Your message will be delivered the next time Jim Kirk is online-_

LM: Ah, you're offline. Okay.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**13 July 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

JK: Where have you gone and disappeared to?

JK: It's been days, man.

JK: I barely managed to catch a glimpse of you the other morning, but you were gone before I could blink.

LM: Sorry, Jim. I've been busy. Between work and dating, there's just not a whole lot of time for anything else.

JK: Oh yeah, right right right!

JK: I forgot that you're dating now.

JK: How's that going?

LM: It's alright.

JK: That's all you've got to say?

JK: "It's alright"?

JK: You're dating someone new and you've only got two words to say about it?

LM: She's got energy. Lots of it. She wants to go places and dance and stay up all night and it's all I can do to keep up.

JK: But you like her, right?

JK: Is she "the One"?

LM: I like her, yeah, but I don't know that she's "the One." I'm not sure I believe in that sort of stuff, y'know?

JK: Well if you like her, you should try to keep up with her.

JK: She obviously wouldn't have asked you out if she didn't think something was there.

LM: We've got another date tonight. Hell, I'm supposed to be getting ready right now. We're going to some club in the Marina District. I've got half a mind to cancel on her. I just wanna sleep, Jim.

JK: No way, Bones!

JK: This girl likes you, and you like her.

JK: You don't cancel on a lady.

JK: Hell, you really don't cancel on anyone.

JK: It's rude.

JK: You put on your dancing shoes and you take Miss Chapel out for a night on the town.

JK: Be a gentleman.

JK: Buy her drinks, hold her coat, do all that stuff.

JK: But you don't cancel on her.

JK: You can sleep another day, Bones.

LM: I guess you're right.

JK: You guess?

JK: Bones, I'm always right.

JK: Every damn time I speak, I'm right.

JK: And right now, I'm telling you to get off the computer and take that lady on a date.

JK: Don't worry about me, I'll be fine here.

LM: I guess I'll go, then. Talk to you later?

JK: Yeah, sure.

JK: HEY

JK: Bones, hey!

LM: What what what?

JK: Uh

JK: Fuck.

JK: I forgot.

JK: Have fun on your date.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_ __

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**17 July 2013**

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now online-_

LM: Jim, you need to help you.

JK: What can I do, Bones?

LM: It's Chapel.

JK: What about her?

LM: I can't keep up with her. 

JK: What do you mean?

LM: She's a great lady. I ain't got a single problem with her personality or her looks or anything. She's a great friend and all that, but I can't keep dating her. She has way too much energy. She wants to go go go and I want to no no no.

JK: So?

JK: Take one of those energy drinks or something.

LM: No, no. Jim. You're not getting me.

JK: I'm not getting you?

JK: What is there to get?

JK: She wants to go places and you can't keep up.

JK: Take an energy drink and you'll do fine.

LM: It's not just that, Jim. I mean, yeah that's part of it but you're missing part of it.

JK: I'm still not following you.

LM: Sex, Jim. Sex.

JK: You two are already in bed together?

LM: That's not relevant here. She just wants to go and go and go. I don't have that sort of stamina.

JK: This is a conversation that I really don't want to have with you, Bones.

LM: I don't have anyone else to talk with.

JK: I'm sorry, but I honestly do not want to have a conversation about your sex life with you.

LM: Can't you at least humour me, Jim?

JK: No, sorry.

JK: If you can't keep up with her in all senses of the word, you need to break up.

JK: Plain and simple.

JK: Don't lead her on.

JK: Don't keep this going if you already know you're unhappy.

JK: You're just gonna wind up breaking her heart.

LM: I don't know how to break up with people, Jim.

JK: That's not my issue, Bones.

LM: I know it's not but I need help.

JK: Go ask that columnist lady.

JK: "Ask Alice" or whatever name is.

JK: She'll tell you what to do.

LM: I don't have time for that!

JK: You're SOL then.

LM: You don't have to tell me that I'm shit out of luck, I can see that for myself.

JK: I wish you all the luck in the world with Miss Chapel.

JK: I've gotta go.

JK: Bye.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

* * *

**25 July 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Chapel and I broke up.

JK: Really?

JK: How'd that go?

LM: Fairly well.

JK: What'd you wind up saying to her?

JK: Did you mention that you couldn't keep up with her?

LM: I didn't say a word. She was the one that broke up with me.

JK:  _She was?_

LM: Sure was.

JK: Why the hell would she want to break up with you, Bones?

JK: You're perfect!

JK: You're a gentleman and caring and funny even when you're not trying to be

JK: and you're grouchy in the best way possible

JK: You brighten up the lives of people around you even if you're not trying to

JK: Why the hell would she want to break up with you?

LM: "I'm not interesting enough." Apparently she wants to date someone who can keep up with her  _and_ suggest new and exciting things to do. All of our date suggestions came from her and she apparently didn't like that. What I don't think she realized though, is that my entire life revolves around sitting on the computer and chatting with my best friend, who, coincidentally, is a vampire. If that's not interesting enough, I don't know what is.

JK: Regardless, it's her loss.

JK: She lost the chance to date the most amazing man that I've ever known.

LM: Yeah, well, thanks for the vote of confidence. Unfortunately, I'm not all that torn up about it. I should be, but I'm not. All I really want to do is start catching up on all the sleep she deprived me of.

JK: So go do that.

JK: It's your prerogative, Bones.

LM: You know what?

JK: What?

LM: I think I will. I'm gonna take a nap. Hell, I might just go to sleep.

JK: You have fun with that.

JK: I'll be right here when you get back.

JK: Probably.

JK: I might have switched chairs by then.

LM: Goodnight, Jim.

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**26 July 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

LM: Jim, we need to talk.

JK: What about?

JK: Does this have to do with the stack of hundred dollar bills I buried in your back yard?

LM: What? No, no. It doesn't have anything to do with that. (although I will be checking on that later on.)

JK: Alright, so what did you need to talk to me about?

LM: I came to a revelation last night.

LM: Hell, it wasn't even a revelation.

LM: I've known it for months, I've just been too chickenshit to say it.

JK: Say what, Bones?

LM: Jim, I'm in love with you. I mean it. Head over fucking heels in love with you, dammit. Every time I see you, all I can think about is how I wanna kiss your lips or hold your hand, how I wanna make love to you and how I wanna hold you late at night when you're asleep and I'm not. I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life. Jim, I fucking mean it. I love you.

JK: Shit.

JK: Wow.

JK: That's new and interesting information.

LM: That's all you've got to say?

JK: No, not really.

JK: Thing is

JK: I'm in love with you too.

JK: Have been since near day one.

JK: You're the best person that's come into my life.

JK: I was alone and reclusive and generally kind of miserable

JK: And then you came along and showed me that I didn't have to be lonely and miserable

JK: You gave me a family.

JK: And I love you.

JK: I've loved you for what seems like forever.

JK: You don't know how happy I was to hear that you and Chapel weren't together any more.

JK: The thought of you being with someone else is almost enough to drive me insane, Bones.

LM: So what we're saying is that we've both loved each other for a ridiculous amount of time but never acted on our feelings until right now?

JK: I suppose that's exactly what we're saying.

JK: But what we need to be talking about is what we're gonna do now.

JK: We just confessed love for each other.

JK: Unfortunately, this is a first for me.

JK: I'm in uncharted territory and I've got no clue what to do.

LM: Jim, do you want to be my boyfriend? Y'know. You. In a relationship. With me?

JK: I think that I'd like that very much.

JK: Do I get to kiss you?

JK: Because I think we've both been aching to do that for a long time.

LM: You sure can, Jim.

JK: I'll be right over, in that case.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

* * *

**28 July 2013**

__-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510)__   _555-3287-_

LM: First date soon. Any ideas?

JK: feed me.

LM: You wanna go to a restaurant for our first date? Isn't that cliche?

JK: i dont care. feed me. i want to eat food.

LM: Alright. Do you care what restaurant?

JK: chicken nuggets.

LM: You're not a helpful date planner, you know that?

JK: chicken nuggets bones. i want to eat chicken nuggets on our date.

LM: I'll be sure to find somewhere we can get chicken nuggets.

JK: thank god.

LM: Any other suggestions?

JK: no

LM: So we're going to a restaurant one day after I get off work. And you want chicken nuggets.

JK: yep.

LM: Okay. I guess I can work with that.

JK: ill be ready for you when you get home and we can just go on and go.

LM: Sounds fine to me.

JK: and you promise ill get chicken nuggets?

LM: Promise.

JK: ok good.

LM: I need to get back to work now.

JK: have fun. dont do anything dumb.

LM: Funny, I was just about to tell you that.

JK: D:<

LM: <3

JK: <3 <3 <3

JK: i love you so much bones

LM: I love you too, Jim.

JK: :D

* * *

**30 July 2013**

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Hey there.

LM: Hey. How're you?

JK: A lot better now that I've got a boyfriend.

LM: Oh, really?

JK: Yep.

JK: Although there is one burning question I've got.

JK: Care to hear it, babe?

LM: I think I'm gonna regret saying this, but what's this burning question of yours? And why the hell are you calling me babe?

JK: Because you're my babe, babe.

JK: I'm dating you, don't I get the privilege of having a pet name for you?

JK: I want you to be my babe.

LM: Yeah, whatever. I'm sure my input doesn't actually matter, just like it didn't with "Bones."

JK: It doesn't.

LM: Anyway, what's this last burning question of yours, kid?

JK: Whoa whoa whoa

JK: "Kid"?

JK: Haven't we gone over this before?

JK: I'm centuries older than you.

JK: If anyone's a kid here, it's you.

LM: Sorry, kid. "I'm dating you, don't I get the privilege of having a pet name for you?"

JK: You son of a bitch!

JK: D:<

JK: You can't turn my words around on me like that!

LM: Sure can. Just did, as a matter of fact.

JK: You're mean.

JK: Anyway.

JK: Burning question time.

JK: You ready for this?

LM: I've been ready for several minutes, but your scrawny ass has kept on stalling.

JK: My ass is great and you know it.

JK: Which, coincidentally, is what I wanted to talk about.

JK: When are you gonna fuck me, Bones?

JK: I want you.

JK: Hell, I've wanted you for months.

JK: Remember that time I was drunk and hinted that you should've come over and fucked me?

JK: That was all the truth. I wanted you to fuck me so bad that it ached.

JK: I can't resist a hot, Southern doctor slash gentleman like yourself.

JK: So.

JK: When do I get your dick in my ass, for lack of a better phrase?

LM: Never. You can go fuck yourself until you learn better manners.

JK: Better manners?

JK: What?

LM: "When do I get your dick in my ass?" Who taught you to say that to someone, kid?

JK: I read it in a book one time.

LM: Just because you read it in a book doesn't mean it's appropriate to say to a real human being.

JK: So what do you want me to say?

LM: I dunno. Phrase it as nicely as you can and I might be able to help you out. Maybe, just maybe, I've been craving to have sex with you for awhile too.

JK: Leonard McCoy, would you do me the honour of having sexual intercourse with me?

LM: Why, Jim, I'd be honoured. When did you have in mind?

JK: I'm free now.

JK: So free.

JK: Right now, right now.

LM: Desperate, are we?

JK: For you?

JK: Hell yeah I'm desperate.

LM: I think that I can fit you in on my schedule. Your place or mine?

JK: You're the one with that big ass bed, Bones.

JK: If you're gonna fuck me anywhere, it's gonna be on that bed.

LM: I'll be waiting for you, darling.

JK: Darling?

LM: What, you got a problem with darling? You want me to call you kid when we're about to fuck? No way. Makes me feel perverse.

JK: Fine, fine.

JK: I'll be there ASAP.

- _Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now offline-_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has surpassed 1000 views! Do you guys know how awesome that is? Thank you all so much for the views, the comments, and the (near) constant stream of kudos!
> 
> In the upcoming chapters, I'll probably switch over from instant messages and texts to real conversations and conversations that take place over the telephone. It's almost required, seeing as the one final plotline I've got lined up requires them to be together almost 24/7. The format will stay pretty much the same. There will be a date to go with each conversation, but it'll be lacking in indicators such as "JK:" and "LM:"
> 
> Also, I wanna apologize for the long waiting period in between the last few chapters. I've been pretty damn lazy and haven't wanted to write much. I'll probably try to keep up this schedule of posting a new chapter every Sunday night (or Monday morning, depending on how late I start) so look forward to that! I'm hoping to wrap this story up as we move into the new year! (and then I've got companion pieces to write, hooray!)
> 
> [ **Update 12/15/13:** I’m gonna stall off updating until after New Year’s simply because this week and the two weeks after it are gonna be pretty hectic. But don’t fear, I’m not abandoning it or anything! It’s just gonna be awhile until I can get the energy/free time to actually give my fic the attention it deserves.]
> 
> Other than that, what did you guys think of the chapter? Comments and concerns are always welcome!


	10. August 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally had no intentions of writing/posting this until after New Year's (and the remaining 3 chapters won't get posted until after then) but an anon asked nicely and so here you go! I present Chapter 10 in all its glory! 
> 
> I will admit that I skimped on it a bit to get it out on time for Christmas, but none of the originally planned plot points were cut from this chapter at all! It was all filler conversations that got left on the cutting room floor.
> 
> The last three chapters will be coming in the month of January! You guys excited?

**01 August 2013**

"Jim, you scream during sex."

"Do I?"

"You're a screamer."

"Do I really scream?"

"Jim, how could you not hear yourself? I'm surprised nobody called the cops."

"Heh. Well, you were just that good, babe."

"I think that's the first time I've gotten called good."

"You're not being serious, are you?"

"I am. Jocelyn made it clear that she thought I was a bad lay."

"You do realize she's fucking stupid, right?"

"She can't be that stupid if she got all my money in the divorce."

"That's not on her though, Bones. That's on her lawyer."

"Is it? She was her own lawyer."

"What? She represented herself?"

"Sure did. She's a lawyer."

"Isn't that a conflict of interest for her to represent herself?"

"I really dunno, Jim. I ain't legally inclined. I can tell you about neurosurgery but when you ask me about the law I'm useless."

"Well, regardless of anything your wife's said, you're a damn good fuck."

"Good enough to make you scream, apparently."

"Good enough to make me scream. I didn't know I was screaming. Honest."

"I liked it. It was hot."

"Hot, huh? You got a thing for screaming?"

"I have a thing for lots of things, Jim."

"You wanna list them off?"

"Jim, my dick is still in your ass. I'd really rather not be listin' anything off right about now."

"We could always just go for another round."

"My refractory period ain't quick enough to go again just yet."

"Do you wanna go again when you've refracted or whatever?"

"Jim, I've been waiting months to fuck you. I'll go again as many times as you want me to."

"I won't complain about that."

"No, you'll just scream about it."

"Do you have a medical kink?"

"Where the hell did that come from?"

"Just answer the question, Bonesy. Do you have a medical kink?"

"Nah."

"Are you lying?"

"I ain't lyin', Jim."

"You swear?"

"Jim, I will take my dick out of you so fast that you won't know what hit you."

"Why would you do that, babe?"

"Because you keep doubtin' me! I don't have a damn medical kink!"

"So what kinks do you have?"

"What if stuck a gag in your mouth so you'd be quiet? Does that count as a kink? Because I'd really like you to shut the fuck up right now."

"No need to be so mean, _Dr. McCoy_."

" _Oh._ "

"See, you do have a medical kink!"

"I'd have a kink for just about anything if you kept right on talkin' in that voice."

" _So you like it when I talk like this, huh, babe?"_

"Sure do, sweetheart."

"I'll remember that the next time that we fuck."

"I think I could go again right now."

"Oh do you now?"

"Yeah... _yeah._ I'm sure."

"Well then get to it,  _babe._ "

* * *

**03 August 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Jim Kirk: (510) 555-8267-_

JK: christmas is soon

LM: No it's not, Jim. Christmas is 4, almost 5, months away.

JK: its never too early to plan for christmas

JK: especially now that ive got someone to plan with/for

LM: And you want to plan Christmas over text messages?

JK: well youre not here rn and i wanna talk about it rn

JK: if i have 2 text u 2 get plans made so be it

LM: You're a weird one, Kirk.

JK: u tell me that monthly, mccoy

LM: So what is it that you wanna do for Christmas?

JK: can we take a trip

LM: Why? Where?

JK: i dunno why

JK: trips are fun i guess?

JK: i hear baton rouge is nice at christmas

LM: Baton Rouge? You cannot seriously want to go to Boca Raton for Christmas.

JK: whats wrong w/ baton rouge?

LM: The fact that it's Baton Rouge should say enough.

LM: Can't we just go to Upper Middlesex or wherever you're from?

JK: where the hell did you get upper middlesex from

JK: is that even a place

JK: middlesex haha

JK: no im from tarrytown

JK: its near sleepy hollow.

JK: do you really want to spend christmas in tarrytown?

LM: It's better than Baton Rouge.

JK: that doesnt answer the question

LM: I'd like to spend Christmas in Tarrytown.

JK: fine

JK: we can spend christmas in tarrytown.

LM: And that doesn't bother you?

JK: no not really

JK: i mean i havent been back there in centuries but we can go

LM: Do you think your house is still there?

JK: theres a chance. i wouldnt count on it.

LM: And you're really okay with going back?

JK: bones.

JK: bones im totally cool with it.

LM: OK. Can I go back to work now?

JK: sure thing babe.

JK: have fun.

JK: <3

LM: <3

* * *

**07 August 2013**

- _Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

JK: Bones!

JK: You were supposed to come over after work.

JK: How come you're at home and not here?

JK: I wanna cuddle with you.

LM: Sorry, Jim. I'm exhausted. Properly exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years.

JK: Do you want me to come over there?

LM: I really don't care. I'll probably be asleep in a few minutes. I feel like I'm coming down with something.

JK: You should've said that to start with.

JK: I'll be over there ASAP.

JK: Turn off your computer and climb under the covers.

JK: You can use me as an ice pack if you get too hot.

JK: That's the advantage of being a vampire.

JK: We make good ice packs when other people are sick.

JK: "The Perks of Being Cold", I guess.

JK: Isn't there a book that has a title like that?

LM: Jim, if you're coming over here then shut the fuck up and get over here. I love you but I don't have time to watch you go on and on.

JK: Shit.

JK: Sorry.

JK: Be there ASAP.

_-Jim Kirk (countkirkula) is now offline-_

_-Leonard McCoy (mccoy1981) is now online-_

* * *

**15 August 2013**

"Bones."

"Leammelone."

"Bones, wake up."

"Go 'way."

"Bones, come on. Get up."

"M'sleeps."

"I know you are. You've done nothing but sleep and lay here in bed for days."

"So?"

"Bones, you don't miss work for shit and yet you've not been able to leave bed since the 7th."

"M'tired. Wanna sleep."

"You can't sleep. You need to go see a doctor. Something's wrong with you."

"No, no. M'fine."

"And why would you even begin to think that?"

"I just overworked m'self. S'all."

"Bones, so help me god. If you fall back asleep on me I'm pushing you out of the bed."

"You wouldn't do that to me. You love me."

"I do love you, and that's why I'd do it. You need to get up and move around. You  _need_  to see a doctor."

"Sleep. I wanna sleep."

"I'm sorry, Bones."

"You just pushed me off the goddamn bed, you asshole!"

"Sorry. I told you I was gonna do it."

"What if there's something wrong with me?"

"Oh, so now you hop on with that train of thought. If you think there's something wrong with you, you go call the doctor and make an appointment."

"I am the doctor! A general goddamn practitioner and a neurosurgeon!"

"You go call a different doctor, Bones."

"Pushy bastard."

"I'm concerned about you, that's why I'm being pushy."

"Fine. I'll go call someone."

- _five minutes later-_

"Did you get an appointment made, babe?"

"It's two days from now at 14:30. Good enough for you?"

"Damn right it's good. I just want you better. Now come get back in bed."

"Gladly."

* * *

**17 August 2013**

_-Incoming text message from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

LM: I'm at the doctor's office now.

JK: has he seen u yet?

LM: It's a she and no. She hasn't seen me yet.

JK: r u still tired?

LM: Exhausted. I almost fell asleep at the wheel. 

JK: bones that isnt good. ill come pick you up from your appointment.

LM: I won't argue with you there.

JK: whaddaya thinks wrong w/ yu?

LM: We're about to find out.

JK: huh?

LM: doctor just came in gotta go bye

* * *

**18 August 2013**

"Bones, you never did tell me about your doctor's appointment."

"That's because I'm scared, Jim. I've never seen a doctor look so grave."

"What'd she say?"

"That she had to get the blood work results back from the lab but that she needed me to go ahead and take the rest of the month off of work. Do you know how uncommon it is to tell someone that they need to take the rest of the month off from work?"

"No, but I guess it's uncommon if you're saying that."

"Jim, they just about only tell you that if you're pregnant, you've just had major, major surgery, or you're terminal."

"Terminal?"

"Dying. Terminal means dying. Terminal means there's nothing they can do about it. What if I'm terminal? Because I sure as hell didn't just come out of surgery and I'm sure as hell not pregnant."

"Bones, you can't be terminal. You've barely passed thirty. People in their thirties just don't die."

"They do if they catch something. Especially when they work in hospitals."

"You're not terminal. You can't be."

"I admire your conviction."

"When do the lab results come back?"

"She said it'd probably be around the first of the month. She had a shit load of tests that she wanted to run."

"What are you gonna do until then?"

"What else can I do besides sleep and watch television? You won't even let me near my computer."

"You're barely awake long enough to be on the computer."

"Fine. Listen, I'm going to sleep now."

"Bones?"

"Yeah?" 

"I love you. More than anything or anyone in the whole world."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Good. Now go to sleep."

"Mmkay."

* * *

**19 - 31 August 2013**

_-Bones does little more than sleep and wake up to eat or watch a short, twenty minute long television show. Condition continues to stay the same. No sign of improvement, but no sign of deterioration.-_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanted a Christmas present and you got it! Hope you enjoyed the angst! (and I hope you enjoy the wait for the next chapters!)


	11. September 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been saying that shit was gonna get real in upcoming chapters and we're finally here! Shit gets real!

**02 September 2013**

_-Incoming voice call from Leonard McCoy: (510) 555-3287-_

_-Call accepted-_

_-Line connected-_

"Bones?"

"Yeah. S'me."

"You don't sound too good, baby."

"M'not feelin' too good either."

"What's wrong? Are you sick?"

"Not yet, but m'gonna be. I just got my results back from the doctor."

"How bad, Bones?"

"Bad. Terminal bad."

"Oh...god...Bones..."

"Pancreatic cancer. It's too far spread and too far gone to operate. I'm dead in the water, Jim."

"H-h-how long have you got?"

"Four weeks."

"Four weeks? God, Bones! You're telling me that you're gonna be dead come next month?"

"Dead and cremated."

"You're giving up? Just like that?"

"Giving up? Jim, I never had a goddamn choice! Fate dealt me a shitty hand and here I am. Divorced, childless, in the poorhouse, and now I'm fucking dying. There's nothing to give up. Nowhere to go from here."

" _Bones._ "

"D-don't sound like that. You're makin' me uncomfortable."

"I'm making  _you_ uncomfortable?"

"Yeah, Jim. You are. You sound like you just saw someone kick a puppy."

"I did. I'm the puppy. You kicked me."

"That bad, huh?"

"Bones. You just told me that you're dying. That you're not gonna be here in a month. You just dropped a bomb in my lap and I've got 4 weeks before it goes off. I've got 4 weeks before I lose you. Do you understand why I sound like I've been kicked?"

"Uh-huh."

" _Uh-huh._ That's all you've got to say?"

"What do you want me to say, Jim?  _I'm sorry_? Is that it? You want me to apologize for dyin'?"

"No, Bones...you know that's not..."

"Well it sure as hell's startin' to sound like it. Here I am tryin'a tell you that I've got less than a goddamn month to live and you're yellin' at me! It's not my fault, Jim! Do you think I want to die? Do you think that I asked for this? " _Oh gee, I think I'll contract terminal cancer this month and leave my boyfriend to pick up the pieces._ " That's exactly what happened, Jim!"

"You know I don't think that..."

"You're sure as hell not actin' like it!"

"I'm sorry. I know that I could've reacted better. Will you just come home? If I've only got a month left to be with you, it only serves that I need to be with you every moment that I can."

"I'm in the car now. Can you not hear the highway in the background?"

"I thought it was the wind. Be careful driving home, okay? Don't get in a car crash."

"I'm the safest driver in all of Oakland, Jim. M'not gonna die in a goddamn freeway accident."

"No.  _-chuckles-_ I suppose you're not. See you when you get here?"

"You sure will."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Jim. So much. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this happened."

"Like you said, it's not your fault. You didn't ask for this to happen."

"I know. I know. I'm still sorry. For something like this to happen now...bad luck, huh?"

"Yeah. Bad luck."

"I'll be home soon."

"You better be. I'll see you then."

"See you then. Bye."

"Bye."

_-Line disconnected-_

* * *

**13 September 2013**

"Bones?"

"Mm."

"You awake?"

"I am now."

"Oh. Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you up."

"S'okay. Wasn't sleepin' too well anyway. What d'you need, sweetheart?"

"I've...been thinking. About something."

"About  _somethin'?_ "

"A solution. Maybe."

"A solution to what?"

"What's the only problem we've got right now?"

"My impending death?"

"Bingo."

"You've come up with a solution for my terminal cancer?"

"Well, yeah."

"And what, pray tell, is this solution of yours?"

"I could turn you."

"Turn me what? Over?"

"Are you always this dumb when you first wake up?"

"Are you always this bitchy when your boyfriend first wakes up?"

"Sorry, sorry."

"S'okay. It's been rough on us both, my...dying."

"I know. But we're getting off point. Solution..."

"Spit it out."

"I could turn you, change you into a vampire. It's simple, effective, and it cures any health problem that the person has. It's the miracle answer, Bones."

"No."

"No? Bones, are you listening? I just told you that you don't have to die. You can live!"

"Yeah, forever. Jim, I don't want to live forever. I was always happy knowing that I was gonna have a limited lifespan. I can't live for the rest of time, that's just not what I'm about. And I don't wanna drink blood, either."

"Bones, please."

"No, Jim."

"You're not listening, Bones! You'd really rather die?"

"I would."

"Bones...I need you. You can't die on me."

"That's a shame, cause it don't look to me like I've got much of a choice."

"That's bullshit, Bones. You've got one goddamn choice and it's right in front of you. You die or you become a vampire. It's as simple as that."

"I choose to die."

"I don't believe you. How can you do this to me?"

"I'm sorry, Jim."

"I'm going to bed now."

"Jim, don't be mad. Please. You have to understand where I'm coming from."

"Goodnight, Bones. Go to sleep."

"....Night."

* * *

**17 September 2013**

"Hey, Bones. You got a second?"

"Mmhmm. Just making breakfast. Talk to me."

"You're making breakfast? I thought by now that you wouldn't really want to eat."

"On the goddamn contrary, apparently. All I want to do is eat. I want a whole block of cheese, honestly."

"I think there might be some cheese down in the bottom drawer. Can't say for sure though."

"Tempting, but I don't think I need a whole block of cheese. It'd just back me up."

"Back you up?"

"Make me constipated." 

"Oh, okay. Yeah, don't eat all that cheese if that's the case."

"Anyway, what'd you come in here to talk to me about?"

"Promise you won't get mad, Bones?"

"I promise that I won't get mad, but I might get frustrated."

"Aren't those the same things?"

"Not really. Mad's a deeper emotion than frustration."

"Oh. The more you learn, right?"

"Stop playing with your damn hands and just talk to me."

"Yeah, okay, right. I know we already had this conversation, and I know what answer you gave me, but..."

"Yeah?"

"Vampirism. Won't you please let me turn you?"

"No."

"But--"

"That's final, Jim."

"How final? Will it change in a few days final?"

"No, it's final final. Meaning that it won't change until I'm dead, and it sure as hell won't be changing after I'm dead."

"Bones, please."

"No. Get out out before I throw my spatula at you."

"Fine, fine. I concede defeat."

"Good."

* * *

**28 September 2013**

"It's today, Jim."

"What's today?"

"I'm gonna die. I can feel it."

"Oh. Is there - is there anything I can do to make you feel more comfortable?"

"Stay with me. Right until the end."

"I don't...I don't know if I can do that."

"Why not?"

"I've watched people die, Bones. It's not pleasant. It scares me. I can't do that with you, I can't sit by and watch you slip away."

"Jim, it's the only thing I want. Can't you grant a dying man's wish?"

"Bones, you know that I love you, but this is the one thing that I can't do."

"Please, I need you here."

"And I need you here, Bones, but you've willingly given up on the miracle solution."

"You really gon' fight with a dyin' man on his deathbed?"

"No, Bones. I'm not gonna fight with you. I don't have it in me."

"Good, I ain't got it in me either."

"Maybe it's weird for me to even ask this, but can I kiss you? One last time?"

"Of course you can, peach. Why wouldn't I want you to kiss me?"

"Dunno. Gonna kiss you now though."

" _Ouch!_ Goddamnit, Jim, did you just fucking bite me?" _  
_

"Maaaaaaybe. I might have."

"So you wanted to drink my blood? Why didn't you just ask like you usually do?"

"Oh. That's not what I did, Bones. You feel sleepy yet?"

"Just a little, why? Is that death creepin' in?"

"It may or may not be vampirism kicking in. By that I mean that I bit you and now you're well on the road to living forever."

"You did what, Jim?"

"You heard me. I did what I had to do. Now go to sleep. I'll talk to you in a few days."

"A few days??"

"That's how long it takes for the vampirism to take hold and finish all the required biological changes. It might be a little bit longer with you, since it has to go in and repair your pancreas."

"I'm gonna kill you...when I'm not so goddamn tired."

"Night, Bonesy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone that guessed that Xenopolycythemia was going to be an upcoming plotline, you guys were partially right! XPC wasn't going to work because it's an alien disease and Earth has yet to have any sort of extraterrestrial contact, so I had to use an Earth disease. I chose pancreatic cancer because it has such a low survival rate. In hindsight, I probably should've made the symptoms more obvious in prior chapters instead of having it come out of the blue like it did, but I'll leave it as is for now.
> 
> I'll be the first to admit that I've gotten lazy on these final chapters, as each one only clocks in at slightly over 1000 words and I had chapters exceeding 3000 words at one point. I think that part of it really is that I'm slightly burnt out on this verse, something that I'm combatting by cutting out chapter 13. All the plotlines have been wrapped up in this chapter, and all that's left is the epilogue (which has been merged with the companion piece that I'd been planning). I promise that Chapter 12/Epilogue will have a shit ton more love put towards it. This fic was always going to be about the relationship between Jim and Bones, and the first 9 chapters really showed that. The pancreatic cancer storyline was always a quick way to bring it to an end where Bones would have to become a vampire, and the epilogue will make up for my laziness and the bad writing these past few chapters, I swear it.
> 
> Once chapter 12 is done, I can consider this fic complete! I'll come back in and edit chapters in a few months or years once this is done and out of my mind. Right now I just want it done. To the anon mentioning a full on sequel, I won't completely discount that idea, but I can definitely say that it won't be anytime within the next month or two if at all.
> 
> Thanks to everyone that's stuck by this fic so far!


	12. Stardate 2255.227/Epilogue

**Stardate 2255.227 - Riverside Shipyards, Iowa**

"You sure you wanna do this, Jim? We don't have to get on that shuttle."

"You scared, old man?"

"Old man? Hell, Jim, you're about 300 years older than I am, give or take a few years!"

"Yeah, but you've lived a hell of a lot longer than you were supposed to. That makes you old."

"I'm only old because of you."

"Damn right, Bonesy!"

"200 years of knowing each other and you're still callin' me by that goddamn nickname."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I figured you'd've gotten tired of it by now."

"Nah, Bonesy. I haven't gotten tired of it, or you."

"Do you get tired of anything?"

"Sure do. Y'know what I'm tired of right now?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Earth."

"You're tired of Earth?"

"Sure am. That's why we're here, you know."

"Is that so? I thought we were here because Pike dared you."

"Well, that too. He said I could become an officer in four years, I told him I'd do it in three. I gotta prove that I'm right, y'know?

"Oh, of course you do.

"I do!" 

"So you're serious about this? Spending a fair deal of time in space. With Starfleet?"

"I've only ever been surer about one thing in my life, Mr. Kirk-McCoy."

"Oh? And what might that be, Mr. Kirk-McCoy?"

"Marrying you. I've never been surer about anything in my entire life. And let me tell you, it's been a long life."

"I know it has. The perks of being a vampire, huh?"

"Exactly. Now are we gonna get on that damn shuttle or not?"

"I think I can oblige. I'll follow you just about anywhere, sweetheart."

"And to think, you almost gave it all up because you were a stubborn asshole."

"Hey, you're the stubborn one. You would not fucking give  _up_ on the vampirism idea."

"Only because I knew it was the answer! You didn't want to die, I didn't want to lose you, and the answer was staring us right in the face."

"Y'know, I don't know if I've ever thanked you for what you did. I know that I was spitfire mad for the first few years, but I'm glad you stuck it out with me. I'm glad you did what you did. Thanks, Jim."

"That's all I've wanted to hear."

"More than 'I love you'?"

"Well, besides that."

"I love you, Jim."

"I love you too, Bones."

" _Final call for boarding, shuttle USS Bardeen NCC-70172 to Starfleet Academy! Final boarding call!_ "

"I guess that's us, huh?"

"Sure is."

"Remember, we're in this together, Jim."

"Together."

* * *

 

_**End.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big and wonderful thank you to everyone who followed, liked, and input their ideas during the creation of this story! It's been a great, albeit long, ride! I hope you'll all continue to look forward to future works from me. This certainly won't be my last Star Trek (or McKirk) thing that I'll be writing!

**Author's Note:**

> This is supposed to be a 12 chapter long fic. Each chapter is gonna chronicle a month in the lives of Jim and Bones (with the 12th chapter serving as an epilogue). Of course, they'll all be told through instant messages and text messages. I'm sure there're probably better ways to tell a story but I'm interested in doing it this way!
> 
> I promise that if something's brought up in this chapter (or subsequent chapters) but not explained by the end of the chapter, it'll be addressed later. Don't worry if you see something that doesn't get addressed!
> 
> Comments and critiques are always welcome!


End file.
